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Marriage, divorce, and infidelity are very important issues in today’s world. We have an extraordinarily high divorce rate in the US (nearly 50%), and that number is likely to grow.
I have posted on other topics involved in marriage & divorce. Today, I have another great question regarding divorce, adultery, and the bible. Here is the question:
Where in the Bible does it say it is ok to divorce a husband for unfaithfullness?
-Barb
Thanks so much for your question Barb. The bible does indeed say that divorce is permitted on the ground of sexual immorality (which includes adultery/infidelity/unfaithfulness).
I think I have a good idea why God allows this as well. Whenever a spouse is unfaithful, it can literally rip the heart out of the other spouse. Nothing can quite feel so terrible as the feeling of being betrayed by your spouse–the one person who you are supposed to trust more than anyone in the world. In the bible, it speaks that once a man and a woman marry, they become one flesh. It also says what God puts together, let no man tear apart.
A marriage is a beautiful bond, and the husband and wife should rely on each other at all times. As King Solomon wrote, “When one falls down, the other can pick you back up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
Where In the Bible Does It Say Divorce is Okay for Adultery or Unfaithfulness?
Jesus himself taught that:
But I say to you, any man who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31)
In this statement, Jesus Christ makes it very clear that there is a valid reason before the eyes of God to get a divorce: Adultery or Sexual Immorality. He says that “except for sexual immorality,” meaning that one can divorce in the event of sexual immorality in a marriage.
What does this mean? This means that it would be an acceptable reason to divorce in the eyes of God. So let me give an example: Say that a man (Bob)was married to a woman (Sue). The man cheated on his wife with another woman (Jenny). The woman (Sue) has appropriate grounds to file for a divorce from Bob if she wishes. She is free to go on with her life, and potentially even re-marry, or choose to remain single. By divorcing Bob, Sue is committing no wrong or no sin. The bible clearly says this in the verse above, and in this situation Sue was wronged by Bob, and is not obligated to remain with him.
Sexual immorality, which includes adultery, fornication, bestiality, homosexuality, or any other wrong or inappropriate sexual activity…is possible grounds for a divorce in the eyes of God.
The act of sexual immorality breaks the bond of the covenant & the vows between the man & woman. Just like in death, a woman or man is free to move on and re-marry in the bible because the marriage bond is over, so it is also in the case of sexual immorality.
Does This Mean Divorce Is a Requirement If a Spouse is Unfaithful or an Infidel Who Commits Adultery?
It is important to understand that in the case of adultery, a spouse is not REQUIRED to divorce. They just have that option available, and if they choose divorce in that case, it isn’t a sin. In other words, they can choose to remain with their spouse & forgive the one who cheated on them if they desire to do so, but they also have the option to also divorce them and move on & there is no sin in it.
So let’s say Bob cheated on Sue, and it was a really rare circumstance, and Bob really isn’t the cheating type. Bob feels terrible, and truly is sorry. Bob repents to God, and apologizes to his wife. Sue sees Bob is sorry, and chooses to forgive Bob & remain married to him.
That would be perfectly fine as well. In fact, in some cases this may be the better option. If Sue is happy to forgive Bob, and still feels fine living with him, they are free to do so. Again, Bob really must repent, never do this again, and be truly sorry.
In cases where there are children involved, and the couples (both Sue & Bob) want to remain together, this may be the best option. Again, this is only good if Bob turns away from this sin, and never does it again. It is sad to say that many people who commit adultery are only sorry they got caught, and they aren’t genuinely sorry for what they did.
Again, if Bob is a no-good scum bag who just wants to go around sleeping with any woman he can, obviously Sue should divorce him & move on as soon as possible. It would be unfair for Sue to have to live with someone who does not honor their marriage vows. If Bob is a liar, and pretends to be sorry, yet continues flirting with girls, cheating, looking at pornography, etc, then Sue certainly doesn’t have to put up with that. God would never want a woman (or man) to feel unwanted and disrespected like that.
Each marriage & each situation is different, so it is hard to analyze one situation, as everyone’s marriage is different and must be looked at individually with prayer & guidance.
It is important to keep in mind that divorce is really a difficult thing for people to go through. Finances get stripped in half, families are torn apart, and there is a significant amount of money, stress, and pain involved with a divorce. When children are involved, it is even worse.
Some children are scarred for life by the divorce of their parents. Spouses usually end up bickering over visitation rights, child support, and more. Sadly, the children are the ones who usually suffer the most during all of this.
So the best thing is for both spouses to have a strong faith in God in the beginning, and hold tightly to this faith throughout their lives.
What About Committing Adultery in the Heart, Can a Divorce Happen Them? What’s the Difference?
Jesus also said in the New Testament that:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You must not commit adultery.’But I say to you, anyone who stares at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:26-27)
Some may try to use this verse to rationalize a divorce by saying, “Well almost everyone has probably committed this sin in their heart. Therefore, if everyone has already committed adultery in their minds at some point, perhaps anyone can go ahead and get a divorce. Not so.
When it comes to the verse above, Jesus is saying that you have sinned against God by committing adultery or lust for another person (other than your spouse) in your heart. Your spouse may never know this, and the public will never know this. In this case, a person committing lust in their heart must repent to God, but this is not grounds for divorce. You have not physically committed the act, and therefore have not physically wronged your spouse.
However, in the case that a person actually carries through with adultery physically, and sleeps with another person, this IS grounds for a divorce. What is the difference between the two adultery types (mental & physical)?
In the second case (physical adultery), a person has actually betrayed their spouse physically. They have brought shame on him or her, and have physically broken the bond of marriage by physically untying the bonds of marriage. This is wrong to both God and the affected spouse.
In the case of committing adultery in the mind (mental adultery), this is much different. This isn’t a wrong against the other spouse like in the physical act (although it is inappropriate in general). In this case, it is only a wrong to God.Anyone may have a dream of having a sex with another person at some point, but can we control our dreams? Or if someone briefly visualized a sexual thought about another person, have they physically wronged anyone?
Or let me back up & use the sin of murder as an example. If we have visualized murdering someone (committing murder in our hearts), but never did it physically, that may be a sin against God, but is it a wrong to the other person if you never physically touched them? Can someone feel pain or have their life ended by you imagining killing them? No. It may be inappropriate (and a sin against God) to imagine killing someone. But it is no harm to that person in reality. However, physically killing someone is both a wrong to that person in reality, and a wrong to God.
Adultery can be a sin to God either in the mind or physically (and it is both ways). However, only physical adultery is grounds for potential divorce, because only that one has truly wronged another person (just like physical murder wrongs another person). Just imagine it this way, when you are married you tie a rope. You can’t mentally untie the rope, but it must be done physically (death, adultery, or extreme abuse, etc.).
Beware of the Christian/Bible Loophole Game: Sin & Repent
A great many Christians have this sneaky idea that they have somehow found a great loophole in the bible. The loophole is this: They can do any sin they want, and then repent later and get away with it. This is a silly & dangerous idea for a couple of reasons.
First, God knows our every thought. If we think in our heads, “I am going to lie, but repent afterwords, it will all be fine,” then God obviously knows our minds and actions. In other words, you will be judged according to all things. If you are sinning & hope to repent later, then God will know that you indeed planned to sin & repent. Just like the saying goes, “You can’t con a con man.” In that same way, “You can’t con a God that knows your every thought.”
It would be hard in this case to have a genuine repentance, since you planned this from the beginning. You risk being judged by this thinking, and again, you cannot con God I assure you.
Secondly, you may never have a chance to repent. Imagine a guy going to go rob a bank. He thinks in his mind, “I will go steal some money, but later I will repent, and donate a portion to charity and it will all be okay.” But then, the man gets the money, and is shot and dies. In that case, the man never got to repent, and will be judged accordingly.
So Christians must beware that the sin & repent game is not a loophole. It is true that when we genuinely repent, God does forgive us for any sin. However, God also knows whether that repentance is true, or if you are just trying to “con God.”
So a couple should never think, “Oh, I can go and cheat on my spouse and get a divorce.” That is not an appropriate way to view marriage, nor any other thing in life. God knows all thoughts, and judges us accordingly.
What is the Easiest Way to Prevent a Divorce?
The easiest way to prevent a divorce is to never commit adultery or any other sin against the other spouse to begin with. God must be the foundation for every marriage. If a marriage isn’t founded on biblical principles, the chances are that marriage will eventually end in divorce.
If both spouses truly love each other, truly care for each other, and avoid all sins or sexual immorality, then chances are the marriage will last until death.
This is easier said than done, because we are dealing with 2 individuals in a marriage. One may do good, and the other may choose to sin. But if both follow God’s word, then they have a great chance of having a life-long successful marriage.
I hope I have answered your question. Thanks again & have a great day.
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Posted under Ask a Question, bible questions, marriage and divorce
This post was written by Revelation on May 26, 2009
