I received yet another question regarding marriage, divorce, adultery, and repentance. Here is the question below:
Hi,
I just read your article on adultery (located here).
Q1) Will David’s repentance still be considered as true repentance if Uriah was still alive but David still stayed married to Bathsheba?
I ask this as you know in this day and age we live in. Its quite rare someone would kill so that they can marry someone elses wife/husband. In this age the husband/wife just pick up and leave after they say “I dont love you anymore” etc.
Q2) If Uriah was sill alive what would David had to have done to show true repentance?
Jim
Hello Jim,
First of all, I only allow 1 question at a time. So you are disqualified and must pay a penalty for asking 2 (I’m just kidding with you). I really appreciate your questions.
Divorce and marriage are a sticky topic, and they are easily avoided 100% if both couples simply follow God’s will, which is to love. That is one word that will solve any marriage problem. As long as they love according to God’s way, they will be together until death.
But marriages aren’t always so perfect. People make atrocious mistakes. People sin. People mess up. That is a part of living in the flesh. Sin is a terrible disease that affects us all at times, even people after God’s own heart.
Once again, I know these topics I have written about concerning marriage seem shocking to people (since I get so many questions), but if we are honest they are 100% scripturally accurate. When we look at difficult questions, we must read the scriptures, and even sometimes read between the lines of the scriptures for those hard topics.
I stand by what I say about marriage 100% in all of the articles I have written about it. Just to briefly clarify, here is my stance:
- Any married couple should follow God’s laws for a Godly marriage.
- Divorce should be avoided like the plague and should always be the final or extreme decision, and only in biblical circumstances.
- The bible DOES give circumstances for a biblical divorce (NT & OT).
- Adultery is a sin (always has been, always will be).
- Any sin can be repented for (repentance means a heartfelt apology to God, and turning away from future sinful behavior).
- Repentance from adultery means to turn away from it. If a person is married and cheating on a spouse–this means turning away from the cheating and reconcile with your spouse. If a person has remarried and an older divorce is finalized and done (and both people have moved on or died), then that means not to commit adultery outside of the current (newer) marriage.
- Divorce is so bad, that even though it is forgivable, it will have exceptionally high emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial costs associated with it.
Now, giving those basic things, let us look at your questions:
Will David’s repentance still be considered as true repentance if Uriah was still alive but David still stayed married to Bathsheba?
First you are making several assumptions here, and not considering scripture or what this situation would have been like in reality. Let me also point out the fact that adultery is not a 1-sided act. Bathsheba committed adultery, and David committed adultery. You are aware of that, right? It wasn’t just David. Bathsheba wronged Uriah just as much as David.
In Old Testament and New, adultery is absolutely grounds for a biblical divorce. So first you assume that Uriah is somehow bound to her after she did this (had he lived). He wouldn’t have been bound to her in any way. He could have moved on and remarried (after divorcing her). Or he could have moved on and stayed single (after divorcing her). Or they could have reconciled. Those were their options (had he lived). Of course, David preferred a 4th option (kill him) to make everything easier on himself.
But divorce is easily done since this is the Old Testament we are talking about here. They did a divorce over apparent frivolous reasons (as Jesus critiques this and says):
“Moses allowed you to write a certificate of divorce because of the hardness of your hearts.”
So you assume that Uriah would have wanted to stay with her. That isn’t necessarily the case. He would have been free to divorce and move on with his life, and David and Bathsheba could have still stayed together for all we know. So that is the first assumption you make and aren’t considering. You assume that death is the only way they could have divorced/moved on. It isn’t. They could have divorced, or Uriah could have died. It makes no difference either way.
The second problem is that you aren’t taking into consideration the “time factor.” I have repeatedly mentioned several times that while divorce is OPTIONAL in cases of adultery, they are not MANDATORY. When adultery takes place, couples have the option of trying to work it out within a reasonable time-frame. They also have the option of splitting. Again, this is 100% biblical to get a divorce in the case of sexual immorality unless we are going to start calling Jesus, Moses, and Paul liars.
The article I wrote regarding David and Bathsheba was in response to a question regarding a couple that have long since moved on and the divorce was already completed long ago. The divorce was apparently mutual, and they couples were already re-married to new spouses. That is the scenario I was asked, and that is why I referenced David to say that their NEW marriage was fine if they truly repented.
My reply for that scenario was: when they repented in their new marriage, that new marriage was made Holy just like David and Bathsheba.
So for all we know, Bathsheba could have reconciled with Uriah. Or David could have ended the affair and let her return to her husband (if Uriah wanted, and Bathsheba as well). This could all have taken place the month after the affair. Sure, there are thousands of “what ifs” we can throw around. But don’t you agree that the “time factor” would have motivated a swift decision?
I mean, once Uriah found out, he surely would have either divorced or reconciled. It isn’t like he would have taken years to decide what to do, and David and Bathsheba would have carried on as usual. No, not at all. They would have either reconciled (and the adultery would have stopped with David right then), or he would have divorced her (and she would be free to be with David). In any event, this would have happened within days, or weeks. Not years. That is the reality. So your question misses the reality of what would have happened.
And if you are asking how David would have repented if he was still committing adultery while Uriah was alive and they kept it “going on under the table.”–then that is easy. David’s repentance would have meant stop sleeping with a married woman. In that case, that would have been an active and ongoing case of adultery. But a biblical divorce or death nullifies a marriage. A biblical divorce is the same as death. Had Uriah exercised his right to biblically divorce her, it is the same as if he had died.
But we don’t have crystal balls to think of the 10 million “what if” circumstances that could have happened in their situation or the tons of marriages in the world. But what we do have is the “what happened” account given in the scriptures. I have no qualms with a couple reconciling in cases of adultery, and in fact I encourage it if possible.
But when the couples go through with the biblical divorce (which kills the marriage), and move on, why should we assume that they must reconcile with each other or remain alone after repentance in a newly formed marriage (especially if an ex-spouse later dies, or remarries, or changes their name, or moves states, or moves countries, etc.)?
That is what people don’t understand about my article you are referencing. I am talking about a situation where people have long since moved on, and remarried after a previous biblical divorce. What I say is the same: Their new marriage (while possibly sinful to begin with), is sanctified when they repent. This is EXACTLY what happened with David. It makes no consequence whether it was a divorce or death.
Again, this is a situation where the couple moved on, got remarried, and later repented and turned their life to Christ & God. I said that when they repented, their new marriage was made Holy. For them to truly repent, they mustn’t commit adultery again by going outside of their current marriage. Their old marriage has passed away. It doesn’t matter if the other (previously divorced) ex-spouse is still living, or simply did not want to reconcile, or is remarried, or whatever. It doesn’t make a difference. In either situation, the old marriage has passed away. It is dead, even if both ex-spouses are living.
So let me give you a scenario to illustrate what I mean (as I know this can get confusing). Johnny is a bad man. He cheated on his wife (Sally). Sally got mad, and didn’t want to reconcile. They couldn’t work it out, and she exercised her right to divorce based on the bible (as Johnny was a frequent cheater anyway).
Sally moves on with her life and does her own thing and re-marries. Johnny doesn’t even know where she lives after a few years. Years later, Johnny remarries. He finds a nice girl. Then one day, Johnny and his new wife (Jenny), decide they want to live for God. They repent, and want to do well in their life.
Now, let me stop right here. Do you mean to tell me that Johnny must now divorce Jenny, go back and pursue Sally (who doesn’t want him back and doesn’t have to take him back anyway (biblically), and even has re-married herself)? Is that what you are telling me? He should hire a Private Eye and track down Sally and force her into a re-marriage since he repented? Absolutely NOT.
Or do you mean to tell me that Johnny and Jenny (his new wife) should get a divorce and Johnny should be alone for the rest of his life after repenting and wanting to live a Godly life, just to be safe? And they should go ahead and split the assets again, and go through the legal hoops to get a messy divorce again because he chose to repent? So Johnny would be divorcing his 2nd wife only because he repented? Ridiculous!
And yet, there are tons of these situations that happen. People have done stupid things, and then later want to turn to God and follow Christ. Are we to have them immediately divorce? Can you honestly tell me that with sincerity and a straight face after reading the scriptures that either of those two scenarios above should be done?
You are not understanding what happened with David! If you say “yes” to either of those 2 ridiculous examples of what Johnny should do above, then why on Earth didn’t God make David do the same? He repented (and the bible is clear on that), yet God considers their marriage Holy, and even blesses it via Kingship of their union! David stays with Bathsheba until death.
Do you think that is really what God wants is for Johnny to divorce Jenny and reconcile with Sally (who doesn’t even want him, could be dead, or perhaps re-married herself)? Or would God want Johnny and Jenny to honor their new marriage, never commit adultery again outside of their current marriage, and live for God in a loving marriage? I tell you the truth, this is God’s will. God would want Johnny and Jenny to stay married as he did with David, and to do God’s will together and love one another.
If God sanctified David’s marriage that was built on murder, lies, and adultery, can you really make a case that he won’t forgive others who made similar stupid mistakes, but genuinely want to repent as David did? Come on, Jim. I think we both know the scriptures cannot be bent in this regard. We must take them as they are, and read between the lines.
Is it terrible how people abuse divorce, and how they allow the disease known as divorce to rip apart peoples families and lives? Of course it is. I hate it as much as any other Christian. But we must be reasonable and search the scriptures in cases where people have long since moved on, remarried, and repented. What would God have them do? Divorce? Leave? Or would God simply sanctify their new marriage as he did David? Bingo, we have a winner.
I can’t in any way see God wanting to break up that marriage that I gave in the example above. When they repented, their slate of sins was wiped clean. Their new marriage was honored by God JUST LIKE DAVID & BATHSHEBA. If God forgave a marriage built on lies, murder, and adultery….don’t you think a couple that has repented would be fine to stay married too?
It doesn’t make a difference if Uriah was dead, or if he just divorced her. If he did want her, then that is between him and Bathsheba. Bathsheba had a free will in this too, you know. Your question is almost as if Bathsheba didn’t have a will, and King David was her brain or something. It takes 2 to tango.
Had she not really liked David in the first place, she could have resisted his seduction like Sarah resisted the charm of the Pharaoh when Abraham told him she was his sister. So Bathsheba has no excuse in all of this. She is NOT a victim here. She was a willing participant.
If Uriah was sill alive what would David had to have done to show true repentance?
Again, I basically touched on this in the paragraphs above. If Uriah wanted a divorce, it was biblical. A biblical divorce kills the marriage. That would have been a biblical divorce for them (adultery). So here are the possible scenarios:
- Uriah was alive, and wanted to reconcile with Bathsheba, and Bathsheba agreed—In this situation, David has nothing to do with them. They are 2 humans with a free will. So if Bathsheba & Uriah both wanted to reconcile, they could have. David could have repented later about the incident, and Bathsheba could have too. David & Bathsheba’s relationship would have ended. Then her and Uriah could have had a nice long happy life together. Reconciliation in adultery is OPTIONAL (and preferred), but not required. It is preferred in many cases, but if both parties aren’t willing, a divorce is biblical in that case.
- If Bathsheba wanted to reconcile with Uriah, but Uriah declined & divorced–Again, the marriage bond would be over. Uriah is free to move on. Bathsheba would have obviously sinned. But if her and David were married and later repented, their marriage would be counted righteous by God after the repentance (as it was after Uriah’s murder).
- If Uriah wanted to reconcile, but Bathsheba didn’t–Who but God alone knows what would have happened in this case? Perhaps David would have sent Bathsheba back to Uriah anyway after he realized his fault (if Bathsheba was willing). Perhaps Bathsheba would have resisted and Uriah would have divorced her eventually due to this, or Bathsheba could have somehow divorced Uriah? We don’t know. We could only speculate. That is why I say we must consider the “time factor.” If the event had just happened, obviously they would have found a solution to this quickly (whether it be divorce, reconciliation, etc.). After that, there would have never been an issue at all. Either they would have reconciled or divorced. If they reconciled, the issue is solved. If Uriah and Bathsheba divorced, David would have continued to marry her (most likely) and the issue is solved. Uriah would have moved on, and David and Bathsheba’s marriage would have been sanctified by God after they repented.
My Views on Your Comment About Frivolous Divorces
Jim, you also made this comment, and I think you hit the nail right on the head with this one:
I ask this as you know in this day and age we live in. Its quite rare someone would kill so that they can marry someone elses wife/husband. In this age the husband/wife just pick up and leave after they say “I dont love you anymore” etc.
Yes, the sad truth is most people divorce because they are “tired” of their spouse. They have lost that loving feeling so to speak. They see other younger/richer/more attractive people, and want to ditch their current spouse for some new excitement.
This is a Grade A sin! I too get annoyed with lazy Christians (or non-Christians) who want to play the “SIN and REPENT” game. You know, that game where they try to rationalize their bad behavior by saying something along the lines of, “Well, I know it would be a sin to do this…BUT, I can repent later on and be forgiven.”
This is dangerous thinking. I know you are concerned about people abusing marriage and divorce rules, but don’t be. If someone is going to disobey God, they are going to pay a price (even if they are forgiven). It doesn’t matter if they think they can sin & repent or not. God knows their hearts and rationalizations, and will judge them by this. If someone wants to sin, they are going to do it regardless of any scripture. And sadly, they will pay a very hard price for that sin. So even if they think they will sin and be forgiven, they also need to consider the FULL COST of the sins.
NEVER do I say that people can commit adultery, and NEVER do I suggest people should get a frivolous divorce. So I just want to be clear on that. The article you are talking about is a scenario of people who have long been divorced, and later re-married.
God forgave Adam and Eve for their disobedience, but it still cost them paradise and their own life (they died physically). David was forgiven for his sins, but it cost him his child with Bathsheba, and other things.
And so when your friends, church congregation, celebrities, and others have a frivolous divorces, and they think they can play the sin and repent game, they should think again. The physical, spiritual, and emotional costs will be SKY HIGH. Their sins will be writing checks that their souls won’t be able to cash!
They will have to split assets, be humiliated, emotionally harm themselves & their children, and who knows what other things God may do to make them pay? So again, people who want to make silly excuses to divorce for silly reasons will pay a hefty price. That is guaranteed. I don’t want people to divorce any more than you, God, or any other Christian. But people are going to sin. It is a fact of life.
Again, my whole article that you asked me about is in regards to “What happens after a person wants to repent from a bad situation.” That is why I say, it is biblical to stay with the current spouse in that particular situation, and sin no more.
Just because God may forgive a sin later, doesn’t mean they won’t pay a hefty price in the process. David sinned, and God forgave him & eventually sanctified his marriage. But David payed!
How can all of this be avoided? Simply follow God’s will. That’s it. What is God’s will? Love. Jesus said the most important commandment was to love the Lord God with all of your heart, mind and soul. and the second was , “Love thy neighbor.”
Those are really the only 2 commands we need. For if we all did that, we wouldn’t need laws for adultery, divorce, etc. Adultery would never happen in the first place if a spouse totally and completely loves the other spouse, and the other spouse reciprocates that love.
Conclusion: How to Repent from a Divorce, King David, and More:
Let me just stress one more time that when I am speaking of King David’s case, I am not saying it is a free ticket for people to divorce and remarry. What I am simply saying is that adultery is a forgivable sin, because I am 100% scripturally accurate to say that King David was forgiven and repented, yet was able to keep his wife (and it wasn’t a sin).
I am also saying that in a situation where 2 previously divorced people marry new people, and repent, they DO NOT need to divorce again, or attempt to reconcile with the past failed marriage in order to “truly repent.” Reconciliation should have happened a long time before if there was any hope between the ex-spouses. At this point I am speaking about, the ex-couples would have moved on long ago, and the new couple would have married (much like David & Bathsheba’s case).
The old marriage would have passed away. The new marriage would be sanctified by God when the genuine repentance takes place, and they must not commit adultery again by going outside of the current marriage. If they did, they would be sinning.
That is biblical (as in David’s case), and that makes perfect sense. Why would God force them to divorce? He certainly didn’t with David. What would be the benefit? It would only cause more destruction down the line.
Someone tried to suggest a situation of Gomer and Hosea, and that is obviously a unique symbolic marriage, and we cannot use that for comparison for marriage in general (for one reason, because obviously God does not command us all to marry prostitutes and name our kids those things). So if we are going to take Gomer and Hosea as a literal book, then we must also marry prostitutes, and so forth. In other words, this book is a special command for Hosea, and God uses the whole thing to make a point. It is not an instructional guide for marriage. It is a prophecy meant to symbolically show Israel’s ”adultery” with other gods.
I thank you again for your question Jim, and I really appreciate it. Again, divorce is terrible, but in some cases, biblical. Sometimes, couples choose to remarry after divorce. This again is “causing to commit an act of adultery” as Jesus said. But we must reasonably ask ourselves, “Can adultery be forgiven?” When we see David’s story, we see that YES, adultery can be forgiven, and an adulterous or sinful marriage can even be sanctified after repentance as was David’s.