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Whew, after tackling several articles concerning marriage, adultery, divorce, and the Bible– I am starting to see a very clear pattern here: Marriage is perhaps the hottest issue. Just let me briefly say that I have now answered a lot of questions regarding marriage, and those articles can be found below:

• King David’s Adultery and Repentance Questions
• Bible Say About Adultery with Hosea & Gomer?
• How to Repent from Adultery Sins According to the Bible
• Bible Say Divorce is Okay for Adultery or Unfaithfulness?
• What Does the Bible Say About Adultery & Divorce?

Once again, I have received a question regarding marriage, adultery, and divorce. Here is the question:

I would like to know if a wife commits adultery and then confesses it as a sin and repents then the husband asks for a divorce,as they are going through the divorce process the husband also confesses that after the wife confessed her adultery he also committed adultery whilst they were still married. Can the wife who repented of adultery and is now divorced get into a new relationship and remarry and the marriage will be blessed by God?

–Winona

Thank you very much for your question Winona. While there are tons of possibilities we can imagine of how a marriage may end, or how a new marriage may start up after a divorce, the scriptures give a very basic outline of how we should live.  I will first just recap this basic outline, and then try to answer your question specifically.

1. Marriage is meant for life, and is a God instituted union.
2. We should never commit adultery. This is a very serious sin, and the bible is strongly against it.
3. God prefers us to NOT get a divorce unless there is a serious sexual immorality issue (or other extreme sin). It should be the very last option after trying to reconcile.
4. If a couple does separate, it is perhaps best to remain single in some cases. If a spouse is innocent and adultery is committed against them, they are free to divorce and move on (and remarry).
5. Adultery is a sin, and sins can be forgiven. God wants us to live a Godly life. We should always seek repentance for sins we have committed, and avoid them in the future.
6. There are cases of marriages built on sin & adultery in the Bible, and while it was a sin at first, once they repented, the marriage was made clean (or Holy). (See David & Bathsheba)

Also, just let me stress something. Adultery is probably the leading cause for a divorce, and it is a very serious sin. If someone has committed adultery in the past, there is a high possibility they may commit it in the future.

So one must really deal with adultery. What caused it in the first place? Was it a lack of faith? Selfishness? Lust? All of the above? That is something that anyone who commits adultery must find out, and prevent it from ever occurring again. Also, there needs to be genuine repentance to God for this act.

What About Remarriage if Both People Committed Adultery in a Marriage?

In the circumstance where one person commits adultery, the bible makes it clear that the other (innocent) person is not bound to stay with them. I always try to emphasize that the couples are not REQUIRED to divorce, but divorce is OPTIONAL. In that situation, it would not be a sin at all for the person who was cheated on (the innocent spouse) to divorce and remarry.

I also try to emphasize that I strongly feel that couples should try to work it out if possible. Sometimes adultery can happen in a very isolated way, and couples are able to move on and have a happy marriage. Sometimes, however, a person has a serious problem, and it is best for the spouse to divorce on account of sexual immorality. As Paul said, God has called us to peace and happiness, and I think we certainly deserve that.

What if both couples committed adultery and divorced? Would both be able to remarry?

I suppose the key issues regarding divorce and remarriage can be discovered by asking the following questions:

1. What is a biblical divorce?
2. Adultery is clearly a sin, but can sins be forgiven? What is considered repentance in a particular form of adultery?
3. What does repentance even mean?
4. Can people remarry after a divorce in a particular circumstance?
5. What if both people commit adultery and then divorce?

To answer the first question, a biblical divorce can be any divorce based on sexual immorality. In the case where a person committed adultery, that absolutely is grounds for a potential biblical divorce (if reconciliation doesn’t work out).

In your situation above, the marriage bond has been broken, and the first spouse who had the adultery committed against them would have the option of leaving. Again, let me stress that this isn’t the ideal option. I would recommend couples try to reconcile if possible.

In the case of a biblical divorce, the couples are released from an obligation to remain married to one another. The key thing to keep in mind is this: The marriage has officially ended in the eyes of God if the person chooses to divorce.

A biblical divorce is the same as death: Both individuals are released from one another in the same way as when one spouse dies. They can move on with their lives. If the marriage ends due to death, the surviving spouse can remarry with no sin. When a person has divorced someone due to sexual immorality, that innocent person can remarry with no sin. The marriage has passed away in the eyes of God. At the same time, we must heed Jesus’ words:

Matthew 19:9 (NIV)
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Jesus’ words are very clear hear, that unless the marriage has been dissolved for a reason acceptable to God (sexual immorality), then when one marries another, they have committed adultery (a sin). Also notice what Jesus doesn’t mention here. He never mentions the possibility of repentance after adultery, or what would happen if a person did that and then later repented. We know adultery itself is a sin, but what if the person repented? Then what would they need to do? This is the tricky part in today’s world.

I mean, here is just one simple example to illustrate how tricky this is if we can be forgiven: Suppose a man (Jack) was married to Polly. Jack decided to get a divorce because he was tired of Polly. This would be an unbiblical divorce. Jack then remarries another and has a child. Jesus clearly says he has committed adultery, because he has remarried another woman without divorcing for biblical reasons. Jesus clearly said it was a sin.

Now, Jack one day repents. So what is Jack to do? Is he forgiven for his sin or not? The answer is…YES, we are forgiven for our sins when we truly repent. But Jack has remarried, so now what? Well, David was married to Bathsheba, but did God require him to divorce her? Nope. For all we know, Polly (Jack’s old wife) may be dead, remarried herself, or perhaps she moved to another country. There can be many complex factors to consider, so Jack must look at his situation individually. I think the best thing to do would be to simply carry on with God’s plan from then on, and make peace with the older spouse if possible.

In other words, it would be highly unreasonable to assume that Jack must divorce his current wife, and then go track down his old one (Polly). So we must realize that when Jack truly repented, his slate of sins was wiped clean. His new marriage was made  Holy, and he must now never sin again against his new wife. But in this example, the assumption that time has passed is made, and both have moved on and cannot reconcile. Furthermore, Jack’s first wife may be dead, moved away and cannot be found, or perhaps remarried herself.

So for a person to simply get a divorce for a frivolous, non-biblical reason, and then remarry again, they are committing a sin of adultery. But sins are themselves forgivable. If not, we are all in danger of hell-fire. We must look at each situation.

Addressing Your Specific Question: Is it a Sin To Remarry In Your Example?

In your example, it sounds like both people did wrong (adultery) during the marriage. When only 1 commits adultery, the innocent one is free to marry. It is interesting to consider if both were the “bad one.”

I think the ideal thing to do would be to try very hard to reconcile. After all, both spouses did it, so it seems they have both wronged each other. So they should really strive to reconcile as they were both in the wrong.

If they can’t reconcile and the divorce is finalized, I think the best thing to do would be to remain unmarried in this particular situation. There is no “innocent spouse” in this case, and I suppose divorce is biblical since adultery was committed (albeit, by both people). After all, Paul said this:

1Cr 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.

In this scripture and several others, it seems to indicate that if people do divorce, it is ideal if they remain unmarried, and if they cannot, they should return to the original spouse (if possible). So in a situation where both people decide to call it quits, I honestly think the most biblical thing to do would be to either remain unmarried, or to reconcile to the original spouse if possible.

Again, I think this is something the woman should really pray about. Is it God’s will to get remarried, or stay single, or reconcile to her original husband? This is very tricky, and I think a lot of prayer, scripture, and so forth would be wise at this point.

Can a marriage based on sin be blessed or made Holy? Sure. King David’s marriage was based on murder & adultery. It was terrible. Yet, God allowed David to remain married to Bathsheba.

This is somewhat different from the situation you described, because you are talking about getting married later on after repenting, and David and Bathsheba had already been married for some time and Uriah was dead when this repentance took place.

So at your point I think reconciliation or remaining single may be the best option, especially of the husband or wife are willing to do so. If, however, the other spouse is not willing, and remarriage does happen, I do think that after repentance the new marriage will be made Holy, and from then on both people should follow God’s laws.

Also, you did say that the woman committed adultery, but repented. Then, the husband later committed adultery. I think the woman should forgive the husband if possible, since she did it too. Again, every situation is different and I don’t know the details of this situation. Is the adultery the reason for the divorce? Or are there other reasons? So again, it is difficult to say what is best without knowing every factor invovled.

Again, let me stress that when we sin against God, there are always hefty prices to pay. I would really search your heart, soul, and scriptures to see if God would have you remarry at this point.

 Thanks again very much for your question, and have a great day!

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Posted under Ask a Question, bible questions, marriage and divorce