Marriages are so great! They are a blessing from God, and God knows how much joy a successful marriage can bring to a person’s life. The Bible says a man who finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). Right now as I write this, I can hardly wait for my wife to return. She is my best friend, and we always have so much fun together.
Anyway, I have had so many questions about marriage lately that I thought I would write a few tips on how NOT to have a successful marriage. On each point below, I will tell the ways to quickly end your marriage. Under each point, I will describe why that will end your marriage, and actually you shouldn’t do it.
How did I come up with this list? This is merely observation from couples that I have read about through the years or known. My wife’s grandparents will soon be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. My wife and I have been together for many years now (happily!). So this list also comes from my own observations in my marriage, as well as others.
Of course, I hate divorce as much as God does, and I would like to have everyone stay married for life, so please strive to stay with your spouse until death! You made a vow to God and each other!
10 Ways to Destroy Your Marriage, Get a Divorce, and Ruin Your Life:
1. Never Spend Quality Time Together— Why on Earth should you spend time with your spouse anyway? You have lots of friends, acquaintances, gadgets, work, and goals in life. They are just there if you need them. Instead, seek out your own desires and kick them to the curb until you need them. Wrong!
Obviously, spending time is very important. It gives a couple time to connect. I often share my goals, dreams, fears, and thoughts with my wife several times a week. We also play games together, joke around, watch movies, and more. We are each other’s “therapist.” We talk about our problems, and help each other sort them out. We pray together, and we read the Bible together and take turns.
Paul stresses the importance of caring and loving each other in Ephesians chapter 5. He says this, “After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.” This means to truly care and love for each other. Love you spouse as yourself. If you don’t neglect yourself, don’t neglect your spouse.
It is extremely important to remember to budget time with your spouse. I know that everyone is “SO BUSY” these days with jobs, school, friends, and so forth. But we can always make time for our spouse, and we should!
By the way, it is great to have friends in life, but you should value and love your spouse above all others. Only God should come before your spouse. Love all people, but place your spouse at the head of your relationships, just as Christ is at the head of the church. There is no greater human relationship on Earth than that of a spouse.
2. Never Communicate Your Feelings— After all, you have probably been married for a while. At this point your spouse should be able to read your thoughts. Why on earth should you have to take the time to communicate your feelings and thoughts? Ugh! That would take too much effort. Instead, a couple should just “wing it” and never talk unless they get really mad. Then they should just insult the spouse, right?
In reality, communication is one of the keys to a successful marriage. Spouses aren’t mind readers, regardless of how long you have been married. Take the time to discuss things you like and dislike. If your spouse does something that bothers you, talk about it in a mature and sensitive manner. Don’t just let your feelings bottle up and then explode one day.
Instead, keep an open line of communication between you and your spouse. Be able to sit down. This may be very hard for some couples, but if you take the time to force yourselves to do it, you will develop a great habit that will help you resolve your differences and understand each other’s views and thoughts.
Do you pray? As a Christian you should consistently pray and communicate with God. As a husband or wife, you should also communicate with your spouse on a regular basis.
3. Never Ever Compromise— It should be your way or the highway. After all, a marriage is 100-0, not 50-50 like some suggest. This world is all about you, you, you. Who cares if your spouse doesn’t want something? Who cares if they do want something? What truly matters is what you want in life, right? Wrong.
A marriage should be a compromising entity. While the husband may be the “leader” of the marriage, that doesn’t mean he is an unfair leader. Both individuals should take the time to compromise and consider each other’s feelings, desires, goals, and so forth.
Remember, the apostle Paul even said, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights.” This is for both spouses. We should compromise and give and take equally.
It would be wrong if one person gets their way all the time, and the other never has a say in anything. Instead, alternate and allow each other to get your way sometimes. Set up a way to allow easy compromise. For example, make a plan of who does what chores around the house. Allow one spouse to choose the meal for the day, and the other gets to choose the next day. Life is about compromise.
So don’t be greedy, and allow the other spouse to have their way sometimes too. It isn’t hard, it just takes a little effort. Remember, a marriage is 50-50, not 100-0.
4. Flirt and Talk About How Attractive Other People Are— Nothing says, “I LOVE YOU” to your spouse like flirting with other people, and talking about how attractive other people are. In fact, you should make sure to point out how other people are far more attractive than your own spouse every chance you get, and flirt with them heavily. Who cares what your spouse thinks! It is just so much fun to do it.
Wrong. This is a great way to really hurt someone’s feelings. I know that I wouldn’t appreciate it if my wife told me how much better looking a person was than me. Nor would my wife appreciate me saying that about another woman, or flirting with another woman.
Jesus even warns against this, and said that if a man lusts after another woman in his own heart, he has already committed adultery (that goes for the ladies too). Adultery is a very serious sin. So you should avoid this behavior from the start, and stay in the habit of avoiding it.
I know this is very hard for people to do, but if you can completely avoid flirting with the opposite sex, and talking about other people’s attractiveness, it can work wonders for your marriage. Almost every successful marriage I know, the people focus on each other, not everyone else.
Of course there are other attractive people in the world, but you made a commitment to YOUR spouse. So honor that commitment. Love your own spouse. Compliment them. Flirt with them. Talk about how attractive they are. Always keep the focus on your spouse, just like you should always keep your focus on God.
I love a quote I once heard a preacher say: “Never flirt with another woman; Never stop flirting with your wife.”
5. Never Ever Have Sex–Who needs sex anyway? Another great marriage killer is to ensure you never ever (under any circumstance) have sex with your spouse. This is a big no-no if you want a happy marriage. Sex will do all sorts of wonderful things to your marriage. It has been shown to bring couples close together, strengthen the bond, and other important things.
God made us sexual creatures. One of the first command he gave Adam and Eve was to “Be fruitful and Multiply.” Sex is a great thing as long as we follow God’s rules for sex. Sex in a marriage between 1 man and 1 woman is God’s blessing for us. It feels great, it brings us close. It intensifies emotions, and it is the ultimate expression of love.
Sex is a sacred bond that you should only share with your spouse. This ensures that you will have a bond that you share with no other person in this world. This will bond you two together, and keep your marriage strong. So have great sex…God has approved of it already!
6. Criticize and Insult Your Spouse— Make sure to tell your spouse how big of an idiot they are. Also, let them know all of their flaws and shortcomings on a regular basis. When they forget to do a chore, make sure to mock them really badly to let them know you think they are ignorant. This will ensure that your spouse will become upset with you, and help you to end your marriage quicker.
In reality, criticism and insults really harm a marriage and the individual who is receiving the criticism. It can hurt people’s feelings, make them feel unloved, unwanted, or stupid.
Instead, we should be there for our spouses. We must build them up when they have failed. When one falls, the other can pick them up. When they do something wrong, we must show love and patience. If they make a mistake, say something positive about them, or correct them in a loving tone. As the Bible says, “A soft word turneth away wrath.”
That doesn’t mean we can’t critique them or communicate things at times. But overall, we should try to never insult or criticize our spouses in a negative way. This will break down communication, and then the marriage will be in trouble. Always build each other up. You are partners in life. You are supposed to be the nicest to each other above all others. You have a special bond…act like it!
Paul even says in Colossians 3:19: Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
We should be gentle and loving, even when a spouse makes a mistake or does something stupid. We are all fallible humans after all! We all make mistakes (even dumb ones).
7. Talk Negatively About Your Spouse Behind Their Backs— Can you believe what a jerk your spouse is? I can’t believe they called you a “so and so.” I can’t believe they did that in the bedroom. Why not broadcast that to all of you friends and family? Go ahead, have fun. Gossip about you spouse behind their backs. Not!
There is no greater way to break down your spouse’s trust in you than to talk about them behind their backs, and tell personal things to other people.
A marriage should be strong. I NEVER EVER talk about my wife in a negative way to ANYONE! I cannot stress this enough. My wife is the stable thing in my life. We have an agreement to never talk negatively behind each other’s backs to anyone, and we honor this. My wife doesn’t talk about me negatively, and I don’t talk about her.
How would you feel if your spouse told someone else a personal thing? Or mocked you behind your back? That would really upset me! Instead, if you have a problem, talk directly to your spouse. God put man and woman together, and you become one flesh.
Would you talk about yourself to others in a negative way? Of course not! So why gossip about your spouse? It just isn’t right. Instead, only say positive things about your spouse. You should never talk about personal things. That is no one’s business but you and your spouse!
8. Experiment with Pornography and Bad Sexual Things–Make sure to look at lots of porn behind your spouses back, and beg them to look with you. Also, request strange and sinful behavior for your spouse, and demand they do it. WRONG.
Involving terribly sinful things such as pornography, inappropriate sexual behavior, and other things is just asking for trouble! God clearly condemns looking at things like pornography, sexual videos, and other things. Also, extreme or bad sexual activities should be avoided.
I can’t tell you how many couples I have heard about that end up with major problems after introducing these sinful things into their homes…even if both were okay with it. I have seen extended family, celebrities, even pastors (Ted Haggard comes to mind) have their lives destroyed by this type of thing. Instead, these things must be avoided 100%. If someone has a bad habit, it is time to break this habit immediately.
Rely on the love and power of God, and the example of Christ to help you overcome any sexual perversion. Only love your spouse, only see your spouse naked, and have great healthy and Godly sex! Never defile your own bedroom with inappropriate sex toys, filthy videos, and more.
The Bible warns against this type of sexual immorality, and it can corrupt a perfectly good marriage if a husband or wife introduces this. You DO NOT need pornography, videos, or unclean sexual behavior to spice up your sex life. You can do it without any sin being involved!
9. Lose Your Faith in God, or Experiment with Other Religions— Make sure to reject God completely if you want to put your marriage on the fast track for divorce. Pursue other Gods, or become an atheist. It should definitely increase your odds of being unfaithful, and more. NOT!
In reality, people who TRULY FOLLOW God’s will usually have guaranteed happy and long lasting marriages. Notice how I underlined “TRULY FOLLOW” above. This is because there are many “so called Christians” who aren’t really following God’s word.
They cheat, they do wrong things, and make the whole Christian community look bad in the process. In fact, some Christian divorce rates are almost as high as other religions or non-believers. Again, this is because they are NOT following God’s word. If you truly follow God’s word, you will avoid these problems.
The best way to ensure your will have a life-long happy and successful marriage is to use biblical principles in you marriage. Love one another. Be each other’s servant. Forgive one another as God forgives you. Do not commit adultery. Do not lust after others. This is God’s will. Follow that, and you will make it just fine!
10. Commit Adultery with Others–Make sure to have great sex with anyone who grabs your eye. If you see an attractive person, don’t just walk by. Instead, introduce yourself and make a plan to seduce them and cheat on your spouse. Wrong!
Adultery is one of the worst sins. Why? Because this one sin alone can literally ruin a person’s life. It seems that almost daily on CNN I see another governor, or congressman who has cheated on his wife. He is now being forced to step down (losing the job), usually a divorce ensues next (loses a ton of money), and then their children despise them (loss of respect in the community).
Furthermore, the little “Fling” will probably dissolve faster than the actual marriage, and the person will be left with NOTHING but humiliation, attorney fees, and regret.
Please, please, please…NEVER do it. Show all of your love, commitment and affection to your spouse and spouse alone! Avoid flirtation with the opposite sex. Avoid situation of being alone, or having close friendships with the opposite sex.
All of these things can become a vine of lust that strangle the marriage, and can lead to the sin of adultery. Avoid these things completely. Hold fast to God’s word, and never let it go. Hold fast to your spouse, and never let them go.
I still remember hearing about Billy Graham’s “rule” when he started his ministry. One of the rules was that he was to never be alone with a woman at any time. He would always ensure his own wife or another man was with him. The reason is to ensure that he never felt temptation to do wrong, and also so no one could wrongly accuse him.
This is brilliant, and me and my wife use this same policy. Never be alone with the opposite sex (unless they are family). It is just downright inappropriate to do so. If you must speak to the opposite sex during business or some other reason, try to get someone to go with you.
The best way to not become addicted to alcohol is to never take the first drink. The best way to avoid adultery is to ensure you never have the opportunity to do it!
Conclusion: Please Have a Happy Marriage and Don’t Do the Bad Things Above!
Marriage is a beautiful bond between two people. God instituted marriage from the very beginning, and we should strive to have a Godly marriage. I hope you have enjoyed these “tips,” and I hope you have a truly happy and successful marriage.
Until death do you part! What God has put together, let no man pull apart.