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On a recent article I tacked the question of “should Christians be close friends with non-Christians?” 

I think there are certainly some interesting scriptures we must take into account, and I am left with the impression that while Christians should be “friends” with everyone (in the sense of being friendly and loving), it probably isn’t wise (as the scriptures command) to enter into deep or close associations with those who oppose God’s will in life (especially when unrepentant).

But this brings up an interesting question: What’s up with Jesus hanging with the sinners? I did touch in this in the article, but thought I would take a closer look. My good friend Eruesso made a great comment about this:

One can grasp the impact of Jesus’ relation with sinners by understanding what it meant to be a sinner in relation to the Jewish purity system of 1st century Palestine which governed the social, political, and even the economic spheres of Jewish society.

The term ‘Sinner’ in 1st century Jewish society related to the pure or impure state of the Jew, from the commoner to elite. There were rituals that would return one to a pure (or purer) status after coming in contact with any impurity (gentile, animal, the dead, and even women). There were also levels of purity based on one’s social status and behavior (how well one followed the purity system). The purity system of the Jewish social world is immensely more complex than this but the point is that the term ‘sinner’ in relation to the Pharisees’ criticisms meant Jesus went out of his way to associate himself with those who did not (or even could not) try to purify themselves.

One of Jesus’ non-violent responses to the strict interpretation of the purity system was in the form of table fellowship. To share a meal with someone in 1st century Palestine is an acknowledgment of mutual acceptance.

Sharing a meal with someone in the 21st century may be something that is casually done but to share a meal in 1st century Palestine was equivalent of being close friends (and even equal in purity) within the Jewish social world. As a Jew, one would not want to wine and dine with impure people, not only is this socially unacceptable but could risk becoming impure yourself. 

Not only did Jesus dine with them he celebrated it! It was customary to sit during ordinary meals and recline during festive meals (and even in certain areas and social circles, the women sat at a different table while the men and elders reclined). Jesus chose to recline with impure people as a symbol of mutual acceptance and as a response to the establishment.

I believe that Jesus did in fact go out of his way to associate himself with “sinners”, the outcast, and the downtrodden not to save them, but as an example of imitatio dei – an imitation of God- a living, breathing image of being “compassionate as your Father is compassionate.” (Luke 6:36) Jesus challenged the Jewish purity system by being close friends with the impure (“sinner”) and even going as far to say that an impure person (like a Samaritan) can be a closer imitation of God’s central quality (compassion) than even the Pharisees, the purest (and therefore most righteous) people in the land. Luke 10:29-37

May peace and blessing be upon you and yours, my close friend.

~Eruesso~

Thanks so much for the comment Eruesso! You did bring up some interesting points, and certainly some historical truths concerning the Pharisees views and man-made rules. I do want to get a little more into why Jesus perhaps ate and occasionally interacted with sinners.

I also agree that the term “sinner” in some contexts may simply mean “unclean” people (according to Pharisees and not God). While in most contexts it refers to those who are committing an actual sin (as dictated by the scriptures).

Why Did Jesus Associate and Spend Time with Sinners?

I think it is very very important to understand what Jesus was doing when he “hung” with the sinners, because this sometimes gets blown out of proportion and people use it as a crutch to hang with people they shouldn’t be hanging with. Anyway, could Jesus even talk to 1 man if he didn’t talk to a sinner? Of course not. There wasn’t a person on this Earth that wasn’t a sinner at the time except for Jesus. But did he hang with people who stayed in sin once Christ preached? Aha, that is the question.

First, let me start by commenting on the point you brought up about the “social order.” Jews at that time certainly did see a great many people as “heathens.” If you were a non-Jew (gentile), you were looked down on. If you were a tax collector, you were looked down on. If you were poor, you were looked down upon. If you did not follow the cleansing practices you were looked down upon (and they even criticize Jesus/disciples for not washing hands).

Jesus certainly didn’t adhere to this imagined arrogance and pride that the pharisees created in their minds. He blew the doors off of it. He constantly confronted them about this, and constantly mocked and debated their nonsensical views. He showed them daily how even though they sometimes follow God’s laws, they rarely followed God’s spirit of love. And it isn’t outwardly things or social acceptance that makes you right before God, it is your obedience and repentance to God.

But did Jesus hang with the sinners to do sin (or to listen to their sinful life)? Or did Jesus hang with the sinners to reveal sin? Did he engage in sinful behavior along with the sinner? Did he tolerate sinful behavior? Let’s See:

How Jesus Dealt With Sinners and Sin in Friendship

First, Jesus tells us the exact reason why he hung with sinners with his own lips. The Pharisees accused him of hanging with sinners, and what did he say?

“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17

I think it says a lot when we really read this. Jesus didn’t view his hanging out with sinners as fun or just hanging. We don’t go to the doctor to hang out do we? Of course not. We go to the doctor to get healed. We go with purpose and intent.

Jesus clearly shows his intent right here with his own lips: He isn’t hanging with sinful people to party or because he thinks they are cool, he is hanging with them to reveal their sin, bring them to repentance, and to follow God’s word! Repentance means to turn from sin. So how could Jesus force them to repent, if he condoned their behavior? He couldn’t! It is either repent or perish before God in Jesus’ mind.

And let me add: Jesus was blunt! He told people the truth. He preached truth and didn’t care what they thought about it. If he offended them when he preached (as he often did offend the Pharisees), then oh well. Jesus certainly didn’t care.

Jesus even says this to his disciples:

“And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when ye depart thence, shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgment, than for that city.” ( Mark 6:11).

So Jesus is basically saying, preach to them. If they receive you and repent, great, they will be rewarded. If not, just shake off your shoes, and move on to the next “patient to heal.” The town that didn’t repent will suffer a severe consequence. Seems like an odd thing to say if Jesus enjoyed hanging with unrepentant sinners.

Again we see a very sharp distinction of how Jesus views dealing with sinners. Here is yet another extreme example of Jesus’ views on this. In this passage, we see what commands Jesus gives regarding “brothers” who sin against us:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

“I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will bed bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will bee loosed in heaven. Matthew 18:15-19

Wow, keeping with what you brought up about the very negative light that gentiles, tax collectors, and sinners were viewed by Jews in this time period, Jesus here COMMANDS us to view people who will not turn from their sin in the same way. This is pretty heavy stuff. Again, if Jesus truly liked to be BFF’s (best friends forever) with unrepentant sinners, then what gives with all of these verses?

We are to love our enemies, but we certainly shouldn’t hang with those sinning against us or God in an unrepentant way. Loving enemies and hanging with enemies are 2 different things. This scripture right here has Jesus” own lips telling us so. Love your enemy does NOT mean hang with your enemy! It means feel compassion on your enemy, and pray they come to Christ.

In fact, this is even reinforced by examining the scriptures each time Jesus was with one of these “sinners.” Just take a look at what Jesus is doing while “hanging.” One of these so called “sinners” Jesus befriended was a man named Levi:

And after that He went out, and noticed a tax-gatherer named Levi [more commonly known as Matthew], sitting in the tax office, and He said to him, “Follow Me.”  And he left everything behind, and rose and began to follow Him.  And Levi gave a big reception for Him in his house; and there was a great crowd of tax-gatherers and other people who were reclining at the table with them.  And the Pharisees and their scribes began grumbling at His disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with the tax-gatherers and sinners?”   (Luke 5:27-30)

Jesus certainly befriended this man (who was labeled as a sinner), but did the man continue in sin or follow Christ? He COMPLETELY repented and turned from sin and followed Christ of course (Matthew). He becomes a disciple of Jesus.

So to use the comment about Jesus hanging with sinners as an excuse for Christians to be best friends with people who are NOT willing to repent and follow God’s word goes against all scriptures. What kind of friendship could Jesus have with Satan? What kind of fellowship does light have with darkness?

Does God not cast Satan into the lake of fire? Or does God hang with Satan in the end?

What Would Jesus Do To an Unrepentant Friend? How Would He Act If a Friend Sinned?

It is interesting to speculate about how Jesus would have responded if he had befriended a person, and that person committed a sin. Luckily, we have quite a few examples of this exact thing!

Jesus sharply rebukes His disciples when they fail to cast out a demon due to their unbelief and doubt:

” ‘I begged your disciples to drive it out, but they could not.”
‘O unbelieving and perverse generation,’ Jesus replied, ‘how long shall I stay with you and put up with you? Bring your son here.’ ” (9:40-41)

And again, Peter merely suggests that perhaps Jesus is out of line with saying He must die. What is Jesus reply?

Then he began to teach them that the Son of man would have to suffer a great deal and be rejected by the elders and the high priests and the scribes, and be killed, and rise again on the 3rd day.

And he spoke that word openly. So Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.

But he turned around and looked on his disciples, and he rebuked Simon, saying, Get behind me, Satan; for you are not thinking of the things of God, but of men.  Mark 8:31-33

 How Would Jesus Respond to Friends Sinning in This Century?

Okay, now as I suggested, Jesus was certainly acquaintance type friends with any and everyone so he could attempt to “heal them.” But how would Jesus respond today if he was hanging out with someone and they sinned?

Can we not all agree that Jesus would have been rebuking them like white on rice? I think so! In fact, I know so!

So if Jesus is at Marilyn Manson’s house, and Marilyn turned on some porn, or started talking how the bible is obviously man’s interpretation of trying to discover God, or started bragging about sleeping with some random woman the past weekend, would Jesus just laugh or brush it off?.

What would Jesus say in that case? I can imagine quite accurately it would be something along the lines of:

Get behind me Satan! How dare you blaspheme against God’s Holy scriptures! If you do not repent, it would have been better for Judas or Sodom and Gomorrah than that which will happen to you!

Jesus rebuked even the slightest hint of sin. He certainly didn’t celebrate it. He didn’t laugh and ignore it. He certainly didn’t keep his mouth shut at it’s presence. He certainly wasn’t involved with people actually committing a sin (unless he was there to point a finger and say, “Go and sin no more”).

Did Jesus sometimes talk to or eat with sinners? Of course, otherwise, He would have never been able to talk with anyone (since we are all sinners). But they either repented, or Jesus went on His merry way preaching to others (and left them for the later judgment).

Did Jesus embrace sin? Oh absolutely NOT. This is a HUGE thing to understand Christians! Jesus didn’t tolerate it for one second.

In fact, we have so many commands in the bible on how to deal with fellow Christians (or close friends) who sin against God:

“Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning.” (1 Timothy 5:20)

“He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it… Therefore, rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith.” (Titus 1:9, 13)

I think all of these scriptures are pretty clear. Can we ignore them? Can we brush them off as a big joke by Paul and the disciples and even Jesus? Or should we take them as God breathed scriptures? I view they as God’s word.

Again, as I pointed out in the article, Christians are free to be friends with anyone. But should they be close friends with unrepentant sinners? Absolutely not. There is no basis to subject yourself to a friendship of those who have made up their mind to reject God’s will, even after you try and bring them to repentance.

But Jesus Did Hang With Sinners, So Can I? Aren’t We Supposed to Be Like Christ?

I think it is obvious that God has clearly warned us of being unequally yoked with unrepentant sinners. Again, we are all sinners, but there is a big difference between sinning and repenting, and sinning without repenting.

But let’s play along and say, Okay, so are we supposed to follow Christ exactly? Literally? On everything? If so, then we must all do this:

1. We must all be crucified. If we die old in our beds, we have neglected to fully follow Christ.
2. We must all move to the Jerusalem area. After all, that is where Jesus lived.
3. We must all sell our possessions (all of them), and be homeless and preach. That is what Jesus did.
4. We must all turn water to wine, walk on water, cast out demons, feed a crowd with a few loaves of bread, and more. Jesus did that too.
5. We must all sharply rebuke those who commit sin, because Jesus certainly did this too.

So if anyone would like to be close friends with people who mock God, or choose to reject God’s will without repenting, do so. After all, if you are going to use Jesus as an excuse for it, don’t let me stop you. Did Jesus eat with sinners? He sure did!

But why not COMPLETELY follow Christ and do the other 5 things as well. But I don’t think anyone is going to do that, because they understand that Jesus had a particular mission on this Earth, and we aren’t required to do those things.

Likewise, Jesus ate with sinners and talked to them for a reason. He was building God’s Kingdom and getting them to follow Him. He was fulfilling the scriptures. If they didn’t follow Him, he stayed away (just like he did with the Pharisees). We should certainly imitate Christ, but not literally every event or deed.

And Jesus would have never tolerated a sinful remark. He would have rebuked them faster than light travels. Again, remember, this same Jesus whipped a bunch of people and ran them out of the temple because they were selling stuff. This same Jesus rebuked tons of people and constantly preached to them about right and wrong. Would Jesus simply sit there and let someone talk about any kind of sinful behavior without strongly scolding them? I think not.

Final Words on Christians Being Close Friends with Non-Christians

We must take ALL of the scriptures into consideration when seeking to follow God’s word. I think the scriptures are abundantly clear that Christians should be loving and kind to all. We can be friends with anyone (in terms of being an acquaintance or neighbor).

But we should limit spending time (or being close friends) with those who are simply not willing to follow God’s word. The scriptures give us ample warnings, and we must not ignore those.

Should a Christian Drop Non-Christian friends? They will probably drop you. In fact, did you know that Jesus Himself even lost a few “friends” and “followers” because of His teachings. It is true! Look at what the scriptures say:

“Jesus said to them, ‘I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.  Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.  For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink.  Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him.’ . . .

 On hearing it, many of his disciples said, ‘This is a hard teaching.  Who can accept it?’  Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, ‘Does this offend you?’ . . . From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” (John 6:53-56, 60-61, 66, NIV)

I would recommend remaining friends with any and everyone. However, your friendship will probably swing from a close friendship to a not-so-close friendship if you are preaching to your close friends all the time (like Jesus would have done). I addressed this in the article about friendships.

After all, why are your friends going to want to hang with you if you are not into the same things as they are? Why will they want to hang with you if you disapprove of them cheating on their spouse, having promiscuous sex, lying, cheating, stealing, watching porn, listening to inappropriate music, and so forth?

I can’t help but see that two opposites will not be too close for long. The same thing that happened to Jesus will probably happen to you. Will you have close and true friends that remain in Christ, and those who branch off and reject God’s will.

Should We Be Loved By the World and Despised by God? Or Loved by God and Despised by the World?

By Jesus’ own admission, if you are loved by the world and make close friends with everyone, you probably aren’t doing something right. Why? Because here is what Jesus had to say:

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. (John 15:18-20)

What is the world? Is Jesus talking about planet Earth, or the people in planet Earth? He is talking about society and people.

I would rather have 6 billion enemies but be loved by God, than to have 6 billion close friends, but be despised by God. What would it profit anyone to have a world full of money, friends, and luxury, if they lose their own soul?

That doesn’t mean we can’t have friends. God wants us to have fellowship and love with all creation. But it does mean that our friendships will be limited if we adhere to following God’s word when our other friends choose to reject God’s word. While we can be friendly to all in a shallow (yet loving way), we certainly won’t be considered close friends by all. These are Jesus’ teachings, not my own.

Conclusion: Jesus Was Not Friends With Unrepentant Sinners at All

I cannot find even 1 good example of Jesus being close friends with any unrepentant sinners at all. In fact, Jesus rebuked those who didn’t follow His teachings exactly. To me, it is ridiculous to assume Jesus would ever be yoked with anyone who didn’t repent and follow Him, especially considering the future judgment the bible says is coming. Who did Jesus hang with most anyway? His followers, right?

Who were Jesus’ friends? Here is who Jesus’ close friends were and still are:

Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matt. 12:49-50)

In other words, for those who don’t follow God’s will, Jesus doesn’t consider them a brother, sister, or close friend. For those who don’t follow God’s will, I have bad news…Jesus isn’t your friend. He said Himself he will say this:

“And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’  (Matthew 7:23)

As always, I appreciate your comment Eruesso. I do certainly agree with some things you said, but I think Jesus makes it very clear that when he did associate with sinners, it was for a reason. He was doing it for a purpose, and he had a mission. It wasn’t for entertainment or fun. He was there to do God’s will and preach.

He preached to everyone He came into contact with. If those rejected His teaching and did not repent of sin, would Jesus still hang with them? I don’t think so at all. In fact, Jesus gives very serious warnings to those individuals.

Thanks again, and God bless you!

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Posted under bible questions, friendship

I recently saw this topic being discussed, and I thought I would address it here on this blog. Should Christians be friends with Non-Christians? Or should Christians avoid friendships with Unbelievers?

As I really considered this, I realized that it is a bit more complicated than it seems at first. Mainly because first there are those who aren’t Christians, but yet believers in God (but they have a different religion or denomination).

Then, we have a whole other class of those who reject or mock God (the fundamental atheists or others). Then, we even have a class of people who say they are Christians, but obviously aren’t (by their fruits).

Then, we have the question of friendship. When we say friendship, do we mean mere acquaintances? Do we mean people we occasionally see or talk to, but not often? Or do we mean close friends that we hang out with regularly? So I thought I would take the time to cut down the middle of this issue, and discuss all sides & potential scriptures.

Should Christians Be Friends With People of Other Faiths (or No Faith)?

First, I think we can all agree that Christians absolutely need to be the “light.” We need to be loving, kind, and gentle with all people. This means whether they are the nicest people we know, or whether they are terrible unrepentant “sinners” (we are all sinners by the way), we  are supposed to be “like Christ.” We are supposed to set an example and love all. We are supposed to be the light they can see so they can distinguish light from darkness.

So there is no question that we are supposed to be nice, friendly, and loving to all people, regardless of religion, faith, or lack thereof. How else would we show an example? How else would we ever win people over to God? But I think a lot of confusion and disagreement on this topic comes from not defining the word friend. There are certainly different types. When we define friend, we can see this more clearly, and I think people will be more inclined to agree.

Because we all know there are different types of friendships. We have people we see a lot, we have co-workers, we have best friends, etc. So for this article, I will divide the word friend into the 2 main types: Close friends, and Acquaintance friends, and define them:

1. Close Friends–This to me means people you spend a great deal of time with (outside of a job or other forced time). You spend time by choice. This means you call each other often, email often, spend time together often, go out to eat, see movies, etc. These are people you trust, people you care very deeply about and usually have a lot in common with them. You have a serious and deep relationship with these friends.
2. Acquaintance Friends–These are people you merely come across in you daily life. Perhaps it is a co-worker, perhaps it is a friend of a friend, perhaps a neighbor, someone online,  etc. These are people who you like or want to stay on great terms with, but don’t really have enough in common with them, or for some other reason, simply never really spend any time with them. You tend to only see them or talk to them on rare or isolated occasions (unless you work together), and that is the extent of your relationship. These are usually more shallow in terms of emotions and bonds, but still a loving type of friendships in the spirit.

These are the two main types of friendships I will be referring to. If you can visualize a spectrum in your mind, and one extreme is a close friendship, and the other is an acquaintance type (with different levels in-between). 

And yes, almost everyone has these types. Even Jesus had a disciple who he loved a bit more, (note when the bible says, ‘John, the disciple Jesus loved.’).

Should Christians Be Friends with Acquaintance Type Friends?

Again, this to me is an absolute YES! You need to be on friendly terms with any person you come into contact with. Love they neighbor. Who is your neighbor? Anyone you see or come into contact with. Be a friend. Who is a friend? Anyone.

So in this sense of the word, we need to be friends with everyone. So if there is a co-worker of a different faith, you need to be nice, friendly, and loving to that person, even if they disagree with you. The same applies to any person you may come into contact with in your life.

Again, this is a more shallow type of friendship, but it is a friendship nonetheless. We need this type of friendship with all people. This is how we can extend love to our fellow humans. It is how we can even occasionally share the gospel with them. We can also learn a great deal and grow spiritually by having these friendships.

Even if they reject the gospel, we Christians need to maintain this type of a friendship with all people. We must love and respect our fellow humans. Did you ever notice that Jesus had many acquaintance type friendships with sinners? The Pharisees would criticize Jesus about this. They would accuse him of occasionally hanging with a sinner or eating with them.

How did Jesus respond? He replied, “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17

Isn’t Jesus so brilliant with his responses? I think so. Anyway, we all need to be loving, set an example, and share the gospel with our friends. And yes, there is nothing wrong with having an acquaintance friend of any or all faiths (or no faith at all). And YES, we need to maintain them even if they do not  convert to Christianity. We should love even our enemies (and isn’t that hard sometimes?).

So again, yes, in this sense, we need to be friends with any/everyone. But what about close friendships?

Should Christians Have Close Friendships With Non-Christians or Unbelievers?

This is where the topic gets sticky. On one hand, we can totally have shallow friendships with everyone. On the other hand, should we have deep friendships with unbelievers or people of other religions? Let’s take a look. I will divide this up into 3 sections: Christians, Believers, and then Unbelievers.

First, just let me say that of course all Christians can be close friends. That is a no-brainer. There may be some who label themselves as Christians, and then do the opposite of Christianity. In this case, I think the friendship will suffer, and potentially default to the acquaintance type. But of course all Christians can and should be close friends with one another. We are all in one body of Christ.

Next, we have other monotheistic faiths (such as a Christian and a Jew). Again, I think this is fine as well. There may be some distinctions that arise in doctrine/theology at points in the friendship. There may be also some cultural differences those pose problems over time, but overall, if two people have a similar beliefs, I think a close friendship can definitely be maintained.  However, I think some problems can definitely arise. If this happens, the friendship will probably slowly slide from the “close” type to the ‘acquaintance” type.

Lastly, we have the unbelievers. These would be atheists, agnostics, and any other religions (such as buddhism) that have wildly different views. I think it would be difficult to maintain a very deep or close relationship with a person like this. Why? Simply because there will be too many differences that arise in every area. This is due to a dramatic world-view difference. I am not necessarily saying we should ignore these people and kick them to the curb. But I do think the relationship will naturally slide from close to a non-close over the course of time if both hold fast to their own beliefs.

What Scriptures Are In the Bible Concerning These Things?

Let me divide the scriptures to show how some support the acquaintance friendship, while others tell us to avoid certain close friendships.

Scriptures that Show we Should Be Acquaintance Friends with People:

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you”  Luke 6:27 ESV

And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth…              2 Timothy 2:24–26 (NIV)

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

The second is this: ‘You must love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”   Mark 12:31

These scriptures above clearly show that we are to be kind, loving, and “friends” to all people. We should love everyone as our self. Our neighbors are our friends, and we should love and respect all.

But again, at the same time we must make a distinction between the different types of friends. Should a Christian be hanging out constantly with a person who is not very Godly? Let us see what the scriptures say about this:

Scriptures that Show We Should Distance Ourselves from Inappropriate Friendships or People Who Reject God’s Will:

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?   2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV)

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”    1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. 2 Timothy 3:1-5

Not only are those scriptures crystal clear, but look at what Jesus himself says regarding an unrepentant brother:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

“I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will bed bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will bee loosed in heaven. Matthew 18:15-19

That’s right folks, you have it from Jesus’ own lips. What more scriptures do you need? In the scriptures above, it is very clear that we are to NOT have the very close types of relationships with those who have NO interest in God’s will. This isn’t my instruction either, it is the scriptures’ instructions.

When we develop close relationships with those who reject God, we risk being influenced in a negative way. We risk being associated with certain ideology or beliefs that the other person may have. Let me just give you an example:

Extreme Example of Acquaintance Friendship: Let’s take 2 people on the opposite ends of the spectrum for an example: Billy Graham (the great pastor) and Marilyn Manson (very anti-Christian/Gothic rocker).

Now if Billy Graham was at the same place with Marilyn Manson (say it was some conference or something), he should absolutely be an acquaintance type friend. He should be nice to Marilyn, not rude or ignore him. He should set an example, and be kind and loving. That would be the appropriate Christian thing to do. There is nothing wrong with having a conversation or shaking hangs.

Extreme Example of a Close Friendship: Now let us suppose that Marilyn invites Billy Graham to hang out with him. Okay, no big deal, right? Perhaps Billy can eat lunch and share the gospel with Marilyn (even though Marilyn rips up bibles at his concerts and blasphemes God).

But now suppose suddenly Billy Graham is hanging with Marilyn every day. Suppose you see pictures of Billy Graham hugging Marilyn at his house (with big Satanic pictures in the background), and the two are playing Nintendo together. Here is where the problems come in, because 1 of 3 things will happen:

1. Billy Graham will have to compromise his beliefs in Christianity and be “slack” on it in order to fit in with Marilyn Manson’s worldview (religion). Or he will flat out lose the faith.

2. Marilyn Manson will have to convert to Christianity and follow it tightly in order to fit in with Billy Graham’s worldview. Or he will have to be extremely slack on his beliefs to the point where they don’t interfere.

3. Both Billy Graham and Marilyn Manson will each hold tight to their differing religious views on life. In this case, their friendship will naturally (and gradually) slide from a close friendship down to an acquaintance type friendship. Why? Because the 2 will simply disagree on way to many things. They will have little to nothing in common.

Not only that, but even a simple conversation can result in one of the two being offended. If Marilyn starts cursing or saying something inappropriate, Billy will probably be offended (and he should). If Billy starts to talk about God, or talk about a certain behavior as being a sin, Marilyn will probably be offended.

It isn’t too hard to imagine the differences that would arise when a person who rips the bible regularly hangs out with a person who preaches the bible regularly.

Should Christians Be Holier Than Thou? Should We Ignore People That Reject God?

I am certainly not suggesting to have an arrogant or “I am better than you” type of attitude. This is not about being “holier than thou.” Instead, this is merely about following what the scriptures tell us. Don’t we have an obligation to follow the scriptures? Yes indeed.

Didn’t Jesus hang with sinners? Sure, but did not notice something: Jesus only hung with them to share the Gospel. Jesus viewed himself as a doctor trying to heal a “sick” person. He certainly didn’t hang with sinners for the thrill or exposure of sin, or because they had similar interests. He hung with them to try and save them.

Also notice another point: Jesus hung with them long enough to be friendly and share the gospel, and then moved on to other people and other areas. In other words, Jesus wasn’t BFFs (best friends forever) with people who rejected God’s will. In fact, Jesus even says he won’t know these people. He says they won’t inherit the Kingdom of God.

We are certainly all sinners aren’t we? But isn’t there a difference between committing a sin and repenting (and feeling terrible), and committing a sin and enjoying it (with no intentions of repenting)? There is a world of difference between those two. In fact, you might say that that is the difference between a Christian and non-Christian.

Both are sinners, yet one turns from sin and feels terrible. The other enjoys sin and does not seek to correct the sin or remove it. As the famous bumper sticker says, “I’m not perfect, just forgiven.”

Should Christians Just Drop Non-Christian Friends?

I once heard a great sermon by the late Adrian Rogers. He once said something like, “Sometimes when a person converts to Christianity they ask if they should leave their old friends. You won’t have to, your friends will probably leave you.”

This is the sad but often truth in life. When people develop 2 differing world-views (or religions), sharp differences arise and it is often best to simply not spend as much time together (simply because you won’t have as much in common). Either you will not enjoy hanging with your older friends as much, or they won’t enjoy hanging with you.

If you can imagine this whole friendship thing like a spectrum of extremes. On one hand you have a very light friendship, on the other a very close friendship. The spectrum can swing from one extreme to another. Here is simple example below:

Acquaintance——————-O——————-Close Friendship

The idea here is not that Christians should just “abandon ship” when they have non-Christian friends. But I think the scriptures are telling us to not be too involved with these people. So we would move the “O” above closer to the acquaintance type of friendship. This means to limit the time spent with people who are not on the same “page” as you (spiritually speaking). Especially if you tried to convert, and they wasn’t up for it, and still don’t like religion or God.

Again, this is just common sense, and will probably be the natural outcome anyway. If you are a true Christian, will you enjoy hanging out with someone if they are not doing God’s will? For example, if your friends talk about having promiscuous sex, drugs, partying, lying, pornography, music with curse words every 2 seconds, bad movies, going to clubs, and things like that?? Wouldn’t a true Christian feel uncomfortable in those cases?

And what about their political or social views? Should a true Christian be best friends with a person marching for gay rights? Or what about someone who supports abortions? What about a person who thinks there is nothing wrong with frivolous sex, cheating on a spouse, etc.?

At that point, what would the two have in common? They may still have some things in common, but certainly not many things. Also, it is a FACT that you will pick up some traits of your close friends. As the scripture says, “Bad morals corrupt good company.” If you are struggling to do God’s will, do you need extra temptation leading you astray? I don’t think so.

Are All Non-Christians Immoral? Are All Christians Moral?

I am not trying to imply that non-Christians are all immoral people. There are a great many non-religious people who are very nice and relatively moral people. In fact, some non-Christians may even be more “moral” than some self-proclaimed “Christians.” That is certainly true isn’t it?

But the problem that arises is that if a person isn’t following God, what is their moral compass? Society? In that case, it will probably lead to differences in your views, and then, differences in the closeness of your friendship.

Conclusion: Friendship, God, and Love….Oh My!

Taking everything into consideration, I think these things are pretty clear in the scriptures:

1. It is important to define “Friendship.” Once we do that, I think we can see that there are different “levels” of friendship. The scriptures certainly have something to say about having friends.
2. I have divided it up into 2 types “Acquaintance vs. Close”
3. As Christians, we should be acquaintance type friends with all people. Love thy neighbor. There is nothing wrong at all with this, and in fact, is encouraged. So don’t feel like it is wrong to merely carry on a conversation, or even have an occasional dinner with someone.
4. The scriptures warn of being “unequally yoked” with those who reject God or have immoral lives. This is scripture, and this applies to friendships.
5. Close friendships are great, but we must be VERY careful of who we develop close friendships with, as we will rub off on one another.
6. We should share the gospel with all friends, and try to set a Godly example.
7. We aren’t perfect, and must work hard to eliminate arrogance and holier than thou attitudes. Instead, we should have a loving and friendly spirit to all, but at the same time, exercise discretion when choosing close friends. We should NOT spend a great deal of time or have very close friendships with immoral people (and I define moral by God’s standards, not mans).

The main problem that arises is the differences in worldviews. As a Christian,  it is your COMMAND to follow God’s moral code, and not mankind’s.

Do not EVER try to twist the bible to fit in with society or the world. It just won’t work folks (it never has and never will). Instead, twist yourself to fit in with the bible. That is the will of God, and the Christian goal. You must change your life to fit in with God’s will. It is impossible to twist God’s word as to make it compatible with society’s morals. It just won’t happen.

Should Christians Marry Non-Christians?

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