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My Mother Doesn’t Approve of My Husband Because of His Career (Job)

Here is a question I recently decided to answer:

My mom is ultra conservative in her actions. Like, I know she does care for me and everything. However, she has always told me my husband #1 has to be a Muslim man (which I agree with, and it’s what I want too)…and #2 he has to have a powerful position (to her it means either a doctor or a pharmacist because those jobs can withstand the economy bc everyone needs a doctor or a pharmacist even w/ low income)

I met this really great guy, and he is a really good Muslim guy from Jordan…and for the first time, I feel like I am actaully attracted to someone who is Muslim and my race (all my life I have been attracted to white guys just cause of preference, and all arab or muslim guys that were into me, I just didn’t feel a connection with.

I feel like I could love him, and even more, he is suitable for marriage. I have never felt like this before. However, if it gets to that point, I know my mom might say no. He finished his degree in Business, and now is the manager of Hollister. I know he is ambitious and is planning to workhis way up in the corporate world, but I don’t think my parents can see such a thing. All they know is either a doctor or pharmacist or no one.

Has anyone been put in a position where their mother or father refused their daughters hand in marriage because the guys position wasn’t “up to par”?? I will marry him, at least I want to..I DO see the future and I know between mine and his job we will live a comfortable life. But my mom and dad seem so closed minded.

Isn’t it better that he is a good Muslim in society? This is the first time my heart has been so open to a Muslim guy. What would you do in my situation? In the future is there a way to convince? What about eloping? (I wouldnt want to elope, but I can’t sacrifice my true love bc my mom doesn’t think his job is good enough for me.)

PS–I am an independent girl, meaning I have a good education and wouldnt want to rely on my husband for money anyway. Please help me!!!

Hello and thank you very much for the great question!
First of all, I know that you directed this question towards a person of the Muslim faith. I am not a Muslim exactly, but I am simply a guy who believes in God, and studies a lot of religions. I do have some Muslim friends, so I know the importance of marrying within the same faith, and I have total respect for your beliefs (in fact I enjoy talking with my Muslim friends about religion, and in fact we agree on most stuff).

Anyways, on to your question. I can’t stress this point enough: You can’t help who you fall in love with. It would be nice if we could all pick and choose exactly who we would fall in love with, and how much money they had, and what job they had, etc. But I think we all know it just doesn’t work out that way.

The real question is if a person makes you happy enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them. That is the most important thing. Forget about money, wealthy, etc. You both have the same faith, which is something you want, and you are attracted to him. I say go for it and see what happens. Maybe it works, maybe not. But if it works, his job should be the last thing on your mind (especially since you are independent).

About your parents- of course they want what is best. But they need to remember that you can’t look at someone’s job right now. You have to look at people for what they can be, not what they are right now. Parent’s forget that sometimes.

Let me give you an example: Say they lived in the time of Muhammed, before Muhammad had his vision from God. They might have said, “Don’t marry him, he isn’t a pharmacist.” But look at what he did. He changed the world quite a bit didn’t he! Same thing with Moses, Jesus, etc. These prophets all had almost no education (or very little). Some were even poor for most of their lives. Yet they changed the world in their lifetimes. God raised them up to be great leaders, and they will be in history forever. You have to look at what people can be, not what they are. This guy you are dating could one day turn out to be a wealthy and prominent business guy or something (you never know what life will bring).

Or would your parents be happy if you did marry a pharmacist, but he constantly cheated on you, beat you, was mean to you, etc. NO. That wouldn’t be best. You need someone that loves you for you and treats you well.

Also, God (Allah) jugdes people by their heart, not their wealth, beauty, jobs, status, etc. Only the nature of the heart. Don’t forget that!

My wife and I had a similar problem, but it wasn’t faith based. I was older than my wife (5 years older), and my family was all upset over it, and her family was too. It was terrible. They hated me, and I didn’t like them either. But my wife and I held out (even though our families treated us so badly). Eventually we moved out into our own apartment and eloped (which made them even more frustrated). But eventually, we all became one big happy family, and all of that is over now. I am so glad I followed my heart (and my wife followed hers). It was hurtful, but in the end I know it was right.
Best of luck to you and your boyfriend!

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Posted under Ask a Question, general questions

This post was written by Revelation on January 5, 2009

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What Do You Think About Atheists? Do You Despise Atheism?

I recently got a great question. A person asked my what I thought about atheists. After all, I do believe in God. So what do I think about those that do not believe in God? My answer is simple.

What Do I Think About People Claiming to Be an Atheist?

I think they are humans just like Christians, Jews, Muslims, Blacks, Whites, Asians, etc. God loves all people and all people deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, regardless of their beliefs. I do believe in God, but also experienced a period of doubt and skepticism about religion and faith myself, and I can’t condemn anyone that may reject a belief in God.

At the same time, I do disagree with the belief that there is no God and all life started in the absence of a Creator, but again, I don’t force my beliefs on others. People are free to believe what they want. I totally respect people’s beliefs. I have friends who are Muslim, Christian, Agnostic, and even Buddhist. I don’t have any problems at all with other people’s faith, and in fact, I actually have a lot of respect and interest in other belief systems. I love learning about other perspectives, and religion and “why are we here” type stuff has always intrigued me.

But as a side note I think believing that life is worthless and that there is no God does take the sparkle out of some one’s eyes if you know what I mean. Many atheists or agnostics that I know are really deep down miserable and unhappy with life. Believing that we are all an accident and there is no God does seem to make life lose it’s luster. At least, it did for me for a time when I doubted the existence of God. But belief does add so much more purpose and happiness to life in my opinion, and I am a much happier person.

If I really believed that there is no God, I honestly don’t think I could function in the world. What would be the point? What is life if there is no God? It is really pointless in my opinion. We are nothing more than rocks really (albeit rocks that can walk and talk). If God doesn’t exist, then what does it matter if someone dies? Life is merely a puff of vapor in the air that quickly fades and is quickly forgotten. But belief in God (at least in my experience) adds so much more confidence, security, meaning, purpose, and happiness to life.

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Posted under general questions

This post was written by Revelation on December 3, 2008

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