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Wow-marriage, divorce, and adultery seem to be “THE ISSUES” of today. It seems that out of hundreds of posts, those are the most viewed pages, and the most asked about topic recently. Furthermore, I received yet another question regarding the whole adultery divorce issue. Here is the question:

Your website says God allows for divorce in the case of adultery. What about Hosea and Gomer? Didn’t God send Hosea after his adulterous wife?

-Lucretia

First of all, I would like to thank you for your question Lucretia! I really appreciate you taking the time to ask, and I hope God is blessing you in your life. I will specifically address your question, and talk a little about the whole issue. First, let me clear up a couple of things:

1. I believe in marriage. I am a happily married man, and the only thing that will end my marriage is death (not divorce).
2. I believe in God’s plan for marriage, and also his rules.
3. Having been a victim of divorced parents, I don’t particularly like divorce.
4. Divorces carry terrible consequences for anyone who decides to get one (financial, mental, physical). People should avoid divorces like the swine flu! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

With that being said, I need to correct one slight thing: You said in your question: “Your website says God allows for divorce in the case of adultery.”

I need to correct that, because it doesn’t matter what my website says, it matters what God says. I didn’t make the rules for marriage, divorce, and adultery. God made the rules. The only thing my website does is discuss these passages in the Bible, and offer additional commentary.  The bible quite clearly lays out grounds for a biblical divorce (my website isn’t needed to say that, the bible says it well enough on its own). Jesus own lips say it in a very direct way. There is no more my website needs to add to make it any more or less valid.

What Did Jesus Say About Divorce In Adultery?

Jesus says this very clear-cut remark with his own lips:

But I say to you, any man who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31)

It doesn’t matter which copy of the Bible you pick up, check it out for yourself. Jesus said that. He clearly says that a divorce is a sin because it causes someone to commit adultery, UNLESS adultery/sexual immorality has been committed. In that case, a divorce is acceptable.

In other words, if Bobby committed adultery against his wife (Suzy), Suzy has the OPTION (not requirement) to divorce Bobby. It would not be a sin in that situation, because Jesus is clearly saying Suzy doesn’t have to put up with Bobby’s cheating ways. Jesus makes this abundantly clear in the passage above.

Furthermore, in the Old Testament God allowed Moses to declare a certificate of divorce for any man who wanted to put away his wife due to uncleanliness.

Jesus references this law in the New Testament, and says that God only allowed it at the time because “of the hardness of their hearts.” He goes on to say that it wasn’t always this way, and what God puts together, no man should put apart.

However, he makes it clear that if a spouse breaks the bonds of marriage by being adulterous, the other spouse is not REQUIRED to remain in marital bonds. They can choose to end the marriage in divorce. Again, this is an option, not a requirement or command.

Even the apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that:

15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

So God dictates in the OT rules for an appropriate divorce, Jesus reiterates God’s rules for a biblical divorce in the New Testament, and Paul even further says we are not forced to stay with a spouse who is “unbelieving or sinning against us and God.”

So I just want to make it clear: These aren’t my ideas of a marriage. These are God’s ideas for a marriage, as dictated in the Bible. He would have us remain faithful and loyal and happy our entire life. God hates divorce. It is never his plan. However, humans have a way of messing up God’s plans. Therefore, God does allow for divorce in extreme situations of marital infidelity/sin.

Divorce is one option that is granted in the situation of a “mess up” by another spouse. Again, it is important to realize that divorce is not REQUIRED, but it is OPTIONAL in the situations the bible deems and defines as appropriate.

I get a lot of questions concerning this, such as Is Adultery forgivable? The truth is, any sin is forgivable if we repent. If not, we are all in trouble! But back to your question. You asked about Hosea and Gomer.

But What About Hosea and Gomer? Does that Mean We Can Never Ever Get a Divorce Since Hosea Got Back With His Adulterous Wife?

Hosea is a great chapter because it shows us Gods unrelenting love for Israel (and us). Even though Israel disobeys God multiple times and even commits adultery against God (idol worship), God still loves Israel. This is really beautiful and poetic.

But it would be a very serious mistake to take this chapter and assume this is a principle of marriage, divorce, and adultery. It is not. For lessons on that, we must see direct scripture of what Jesus, Paul, and others had to say.

Even if Hosea came out and said we MUST stay married in adultery, does that over-ride Jesus’ own lips? Or Apostle Paul’s lips? I don’t think so. Anyway, Hosea never commands that in the first place. But let us consider a few facts about Hosea & Gomer:

1. God gives Hosea a specific command to marry a harlot (not the whole nation of Israel-only 1 man named Hosea).

2. This marriage is meant to be symbolic of Israel’s marriage (covenant) with God.

3. God uses this marriage to compare his relationship with Israel throughout the whole book of Hosea.

4. Hosea goes and takes his wife back after adultery, and she agrees to stay with him after he “purchased her.” This was due to God’s commanding him do this.

5. God never says we MUST stay with anyone who commits adultery against us. He only commands Hosea to take her back in this case as a symbol. Again, he doesn’t command anyone else BUT Hosea to do this.

So first of all, this whole entire book is really just God giving Israel a message through Hosea. He says Israel has been a “whore” and “whoring after other Gods.” This is compared to his “whore” of a wife. God knew she was a harlot, and yet told Hosea to marry her.

This is symbolic because Hosea’s wife (Gomer) was a prostitute. Then he tells Hosea to name his kids odd names (such as No Mercy, Not my People, etc.) So it is blatantly obvious that God is using this marriage arrangement to make a serious statement to Israel.

The statement is this: Israel, I loved you, and you cheated on me with your other Gods and by disobeying my commands. Therefore, there will be a price to pay. However, there will be redemption in the end!

Back to the story: Hosea & Gomer split up. She apparently gets with another guy (an apparent lover). God commands Hosea to go back and re-take his wife. The man lets Hosea purchase her back, and Hosea and Gomer remain together once more.

God commands this to Hosea:

Then the Lord said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the Lord for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagans.” Hosea 3

This is important to note:

1. This book does nothing to prove my interpretation of the bible wrong. In fact, is proves it right. We have the option of getting back with adulterous spouses, however, we also have the option to leave. This case is an exception and a command only for Hosea (not all people).
2. God is saying that while we are granted the option of divorce in adultery, it certainly isn’t REQUIRED.
3. This entire book (while it literally happens), also is symbolic of Israel. God does this entire thing to teach Israel something.
4. God NEVER says we can’t divorce in adultery. He merely tells Hosea to go back to his wife in this one situation. Why? To symbolically show that God returned to his “adulterous love” which is Israel. Again, it is symbolic. Just like when God has Ezekiel eat the scroll. It was a symbolic way to show that God is putting his words in Ezekiel.
5. This entire book does NOTHING to change what happened with Moses, or several hundred years later what Jesus, or Paul taught. Hosea and Gomer were long dead and gone by the time Jesus taught people can divorce on sinful grounds.

In other words, this entire book is a story of a Prophet named Hosea. God uses Hosea to show Israel their sins of adulterous idol worship, and the breaking of God’s laws.

While the story does include a specific command ONLY FOR HOSEA, it didn’t apply to everyone. If you think this means that we are all REQUIRED to go back after adultery, then you should also name your children Jezreel, No Mercy, and Not my people.”

Why? Because God also commanded ONLY HOSEA to do that. So unless you think that applies to everyone what God told only Hosea to do, why do you assume that God’s one command ONLY FOR HOSEA to take back his adulterous wife over-rides what he commands throughout the rest of the whole bible?

It just doesn’t make sense, and is an erroneous interpretation of the scripture. The scriptures are abundantly clear in Old Testament and New that while God despises adultery and sin, he will allow for divorce in certain instances where those things have taken place against an innocent spouse.

What Would You Do In God’s Shoes?

Imagine you have a daughter. You love your daughter so much. Then, your daughter gets married to a nice man. Over time, the man begins to be evil. He rejects religion. He starts to cheat on your daughter, beat her at times, and worse.

You see your daughter miserable and hurt daily by her husbands actions. She loses her confidence, and every night prays for God to take her life because she is so unhappy due to her husbands treatment of her.

Yet, you love your faithful daughter who is good and religious. As a loving mother, do you really want your child to be subjected constantly to sin and adultery? Would that please you? Would you hold it against your daughter if she wanted peace and happiness away from this evil man? Yet God is far better than any of us. His love is much stronger than that we can have.

Now do you get an idea of why God might not hold your daughter accountable if she wanted to divorce this monster she was married to? Now do you understand why Jesus and Paul placed that in the Bible?

This happens every day. People get abused, cheated on, and worse. I have literally watched my own mother get her nose bloodied when I was younger by an abusive husband. I have witnessed women find out their husbands were having wild flings and affairs behind their backs, while they struggle to raise their  husband’s children.

Now why on Earth would you support some innocent person staying in that situation for a lifetime, and try to use Hosea’s one rare command from God (meant only for Hosea and Hosea alone) as an excuse that we are REQUIRED to stay married in that situation, while ignoring all of the Old and New Testament commands taught by Moses, Jesus, Apostle Paul, and so forth? It just doesn’t make sense at all to me.

It is quite obvious that the command to get back with Gomer was a symbolic gesture meant only for Hosea to show God was still in love with Israel despite her adultery.

We all have the choice to stay with an adulterer. If a spouse cheats, the other spouse can choose to forgive, or the they can choose to divorce. That is their choice, as the scriptures teach clearly.

To deny that fact, is literally calling Jesus a liar. It is literally calling God a liar. It is literally calling Paul a liar. Why would we deny these direct and important scriptures concerning marriage?

Final Words on Marriage, Divorce, and Adultery:

We choose who we marry, so we should be careful to marry someone who follows God’s laws, someone we truly love, etc. Marriage should ideally last a lifetime, and this is God’s Holy Plan for marriage.

All of the issues of divorce can be avoided by doing 1 simple thing: LOVE. If there is true love in the marriage, there is no need for sin and divorce. If we all follow God’s commands, we wouldn’t have divorce as an option would we? But sometimes people don’t want to play by the rules.

However, the bible does let us know very clearly that we are not bound to be in misery if a spouse decides to cheat, beat, leave, or other terrible sins. This is not “my law,” this is God’s law. Who cares what I say. But we all better care what God says.

So if someone’s spouse commits adultery, they have the option of reconciling or leaving. That is their biblical option. Ideally, it would be great if they can reconcile.

I am all for people trying to work out their problems and remain together. Sometimes people make (bad) mistakes, but a couple can reconcile and work through it. But if they can’t overcome a terrible sin (such as adultery), then it is acceptable to divorce (as Jesus clearly taught). In other words, they can do it, and it isn’t considered a sin in God’s eyes as long as they have reasonable biblical grounds.

In that situation, the person who was sinned against is free to move on with their life. However, let me stress that the divorce isn’t going to be easy. Plan on a messy lawyer situation, plan on losing a lot of money, plan on permanently harming any potential children involved, and so forth. In other words, there will be consequences involved if you do it, but it is still your choice in that particular situation.

Again, I am very ANTI-DIVORCE. I hate them. It will harm children involved. It will mess up finances. It will leave emotional scars, etc. I hate divorce as much as God does.

But at the same time, we cannot deny that there are some situations in the world in which divorce is completely acceptable (such as rape, incest, abuse, sexual immorality, etc.).

We must teach pro-marriage. We must help those who are married to stay on God’s path for their marriage. However, we can’t ignore what the scripture teaches. The scriptures clearly teach divorce is acceptable in the situations above.

Can we honestly call Jesus a liar? Can we honestly ignore what Jesus taught right there? I don’t think so. And the point is stressed again by Paul and others.

So in summary, you are correct that in this one story God commands a man to get back with a cheating spouse. However, the context is clear that this is a symbolic act, and God only commands Hosea alone to do this. He makes no command that we are all REQUIRED to do this. In fact, the New Testament refutes this idea all-together quite easily.

Thanks again for the question, and God Bless!

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Marriage, divorce, and infidelity are very important issues in today’s world. We have an extraordinarily high divorce rate in the US (nearly 50%), and that number is likely to grow.

I have posted on other topics involved in marriage & divorce. Today, I have another great question regarding divorce, adultery, and the bible. Here is the question:

Where in the Bible does it say it is ok to divorce a husband for unfaithfullness?

-Barb

Thanks so much for your question Barb. The bible does indeed say that divorce is permitted on the ground of sexual immorality (which includes adultery/infidelity/unfaithfulness).

I think I have a good idea why God allows this as well. Whenever a spouse is unfaithful, it can literally rip the heart out of the other spouse. Nothing can quite feel so terrible as the feeling of being betrayed by your spouse–the one person who you are supposed to trust more than anyone in the world. In the bible, it speaks that once a man and a woman marry, they become one flesh. It also says what God puts together, let no man tear apart.

A marriage is a beautiful bond, and the husband and wife should rely on each other at all times. As King Solomon wrote, “When one falls down, the other can pick you back up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

Where In the Bible Does It Say Divorce is Okay for Adultery or Unfaithfulness?

Jesus himself taught that:

But I say to you, any man who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31)

In this statement, Jesus Christ makes it very clear that there is a valid reason before the eyes of God to get a divorce: Adultery or Sexual Immorality. He says that “except for sexual immorality,” meaning that one can divorce in the event of sexual immorality in a marriage.

What does this mean? This means that it would be an acceptable reason to divorce in the eyes of God. So let me give an example: Say that a man (Bob)was married to a woman (Sue). The man cheated on his wife with another woman (Jenny). The woman (Sue) has appropriate grounds to file for a divorce from Bob if she wishes. She is free to go on with her life, and potentially even re-marry, or choose to remain single. By divorcing Bob, Sue is committing no wrong or no sin. The bible clearly says this in the verse above, and in this situation Sue was wronged by Bob, and is not obligated to remain with him.

Sexual immorality, which includes adultery, fornication, bestiality, homosexuality, or any other wrong or inappropriate sexual activity…is possible grounds for a divorce in the eyes of God.

The act of sexual immorality breaks the bond of the covenant & the vows between the man & woman. Just like in death, a woman or man is free to move on and re-marry in the bible because the marriage bond is over, so it is also in the case of sexual immorality.

Does This Mean Divorce Is a Requirement If a Spouse is Unfaithful or an Infidel Who Commits Adultery?

It is important to understand that in the case of adultery, a spouse is not REQUIRED to divorce. They just have that option available, and if they choose divorce in that case, it isn’t a sin. In other words, they can choose to remain with their spouse & forgive the one who cheated on them if they desire to do so, but they also have the option to also divorce them and move on & there is no sin in it.

So let’s say Bob cheated on Sue, and it was a really rare circumstance, and Bob really isn’t the cheating type. Bob feels terrible, and truly is sorry. Bob repents to God, and apologizes to his wife. Sue sees Bob is sorry, and chooses to forgive Bob & remain married to him.

That would be perfectly fine as well. In fact, in some cases this may be the better option. If Sue is happy to forgive Bob, and still feels fine living with him, they are free to do so. Again, Bob really must repent, never do this again, and be truly sorry.

In cases where there are children involved, and the couples (both Sue & Bob) want to remain together, this may be the best option. Again, this is only good if Bob turns away from this sin, and never does it again. It is sad to say that many people who commit adultery are only sorry they got caught, and they aren’t genuinely sorry for what they did.

Again, if Bob is a no-good scum bag who just wants to go around sleeping with any woman he can, obviously Sue should divorce him & move on as soon as possible. It would be unfair for Sue to have to live with someone who does not honor their marriage vows. If Bob is a liar, and pretends to be sorry, yet continues flirting with girls, cheating, looking at pornography, etc, then Sue certainly doesn’t have to put up with that. God would never want a woman (or man) to feel unwanted and disrespected like that.

Each marriage & each situation is different, so it is hard to analyze one situation, as everyone’s marriage is different and must be looked at individually with prayer & guidance.

It is important to keep in mind that divorce is really a difficult thing for people to go through. Finances get stripped in half, families are torn apart, and there is a significant amount of money, stress, and pain involved with a divorce. When children are involved, it is even worse.

Some children are scarred for life by the divorce of their parents. Spouses usually end up bickering over visitation rights, child support, and more. Sadly, the children are the ones who usually suffer the most during all of this.

So the best thing is for both spouses to have a strong faith in God in the beginning, and hold tightly to this faith throughout their lives.

What About Committing Adultery in the Heart, Can a Divorce Happen Them? What’s the Difference?

Jesus also said in the New Testament that:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You must not commit adultery.’But I say to you, anyone who stares at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:26-27)

Some may try to use this verse to rationalize a divorce by saying, “Well almost everyone has probably committed this sin in their heart. Therefore, if everyone has already committed adultery in their minds at some point, perhaps anyone can go ahead and get a divorce. Not so.

When it comes to the verse above, Jesus is saying that you have sinned against God by committing adultery or lust for another person (other than your spouse) in your heart. Your spouse may never know this, and the public will never know this. In this case, a person committing lust in their heart must repent to God, but this is not grounds for divorce. You have not physically committed the act, and therefore have not physically wronged your spouse.

However, in the case that a person actually carries through with adultery physically, and sleeps with another person, this IS grounds for a divorce. What is the difference between the two adultery types (mental & physical)?

In the second case (physical adultery), a person has actually betrayed their spouse physically. They have brought shame on him or her, and have physically broken the bond of marriage by physically untying the bonds of marriage. This is wrong to both God and the affected spouse. 

In the case of committing adultery in the mind (mental adultery), this is much different. This isn’t a wrong against the other spouse like in the physical act (although it is inappropriate in general). In this case, it is only a wrong to God.Anyone may have a dream of having a sex with another person at some point, but can we control our dreams? Or if someone briefly visualized a sexual thought about another person, have they physically wronged anyone?

Or let me back up & use the sin of murder as an example.  If we have visualized murdering someone (committing murder in our hearts), but never did it physically, that may be a sin against God, but is it a wrong to the other person if you never physically touched them? Can someone feel pain or have their life ended by you imagining killing them? No. It may be inappropriate (and a sin against God) to imagine killing someone. But it is no harm to that person in reality. However, physically killing someone is both a wrong to that person in reality, and a wrong to God.

Adultery can be a sin to God either in the mind or physically (and it is both ways). However, only physical adultery is grounds for potential divorce, because only that one has truly wronged another person (just like physical murder wrongs another person). Just imagine it this way, when you are married you tie a rope. You can’t mentally untie the rope, but it must be done physically (death, adultery, or extreme abuse, etc.).

Beware of the Christian/Bible Loophole Game: Sin & Repent

A great many Christians have this sneaky idea that they have somehow found a great loophole in the bible. The loophole is this: They can do any sin they want, and then repent later and get away with it. This is a silly & dangerous idea for a couple of reasons.

First, God knows our every thought. If we think in our heads, “I am going to lie, but repent afterwords, it will all be fine,” then God obviously knows our minds and actions. In other words, you will be judged according to all things. If you are sinning & hope to repent later, then God will know that you indeed planned to sin & repent. Just like the saying goes, “You can’t con a con man.” In that same way, “You can’t con a God that knows your every thought.”

It would be hard in this case to have a genuine repentance, since you planned this from the beginning. You risk being judged by this thinking, and again, you cannot con God I assure you.

Secondly, you may never have a chance to repent. Imagine a guy going to go rob a bank. He thinks in his mind, “I will go steal some money, but later I will repent, and donate a portion to charity and it will all be okay.” But then, the man gets the money, and is shot and dies. In that case, the man never got to repent, and will be judged accordingly.

So Christians must beware that the sin & repent game is not a loophole. It is true that when we genuinely repent, God does forgive us for any sin. However, God also knows whether that repentance is true, or if you are just trying to “con God.”

So a couple should never think, “Oh, I can go and cheat on my spouse and get a divorce.” That is not an appropriate way to view marriage, nor any other thing in life. God knows all thoughts, and judges us accordingly.

What is the Easiest Way to Prevent a Divorce?

The easiest way to prevent a divorce is to never commit adultery or any other sin against the other spouse to begin with. God must be the foundation for every marriage. If a marriage isn’t founded on biblical principles, the chances are that marriage will eventually end in divorce.

If both spouses truly love each other, truly care for each other, and avoid all sins or sexual immorality, then chances are the marriage will last until death.

This is easier said than done, because we are dealing with 2 individuals in a marriage. One may do good, and the other may choose to sin. But if both follow God’s word, then they have a great chance of having a life-long successful marriage.

I hope I have answered your question. Thanks again & have a great day.

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Posted under Ask a Question, bible questions, marriage and divorce